Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Where I am at today...

I am very scared, anxious, getting to the point of being excited all on this new pregnancy. Yet, there is not a day that doesn't go by that I do not think about or wish my sweet Naomi was here.

Since learning of the news, I have had so many friends & even complete strangers send so many thoughtful gifts & even baby things. I haven't even bought a thing yet for this new little one. I am just afraid, afraid of what could be. I know it all too well, I am afraid to jink myself in a way. My friends are all asking about a baby shower. I keep putting the thought of it off, yes of course I would love one, yet I never got to have one for Naomi, we had been starting to plan one around the time everything just went wrong. And I just happen to be at that point in my pregnancy now where things changed forever. So I am scared. I sometimes think, I do not want one until this baby is home & safely in my arms.

My due date is October 22. Seems like its right around the corner. When people ask me my due date, I freak. I sometimes just want to say, the baby will be here soon enough. I freak when ever I hear that question. As of today I am 27 w & 5 days. My first goal Dr had said was 28 weeks. Looks like, crossing my fingers, I will make that goal. Then my next one is 32. I can do it. I just *have* to.

Of course, learning of my pregnancy, I am at high risk. I had gotten the very best health insurance thankfully through my mother. I have a wonderful doctor who has taken the best care of me & also have been seeing a MFM as well. Well, me, freaking out with every little ache or pain, or none movement, I had been into L&D 3 times. This last time I went because I was feeling the baby move less. I went in, the nurse remembered me of course, this was July 13th. They strapped me on the monitor and sure enough the baby was moving all around & they hadnt seen such a good baby for that gestational age. That made me happy.

The nurse was about to send me home when she decided to admit me for 24 hrs so I can see myself on the monitor and note the movements and feel them as well. I could barely feel half of them, my thought was because of my anterior placenta as like my doctor told me. But I was happy they allowed me to stay. Testing was done to get PIH labs done to clear me from that since my severe history. Bloodwork came back fine. Nurse comes in about my 24 hr collection, and says there was 0 protein. I thought Horray I can leave! Comes back 5 minutes later, says we read the wrong thing. My protein level was elevated, to 560. Normal was 225 she said. Are you kidding me?

I started to panic, I cried. My OB then did not want to play and got me transferred to another hospital with a level 3 NICU. Yet I wasn't experiencing any other symptoms of preeclampsia really besides headaches. So out of proticol, I was transferred via ambulance over there. I was SO very lucky to have had a wonderful nurse, we even exchanged numbers, she was so kind & even road with me in the ambulance. I was fine the whole way, until they got me in my room and as the left, I started to cry. I thought no, this cant be happening. No bp issues thank God. But still, that protein was there.

So well I was watched and baby was monitored, bp checks and monitoring every 8 and 4 hours. I had lots of visitors, friends & family. I was 25 weeks then. I thought no way can I have this baby. I kept asking if they would deliver on protein alone, thankfully no. Bloodtests kept coming back fine, but the protein was still elevated. I had seen the kidney doctor there, no underlying issues or kidney damage that they could see. My doctor did diagnose me with mild preeclampsia. .

So there we go, the diagnois was made. I just knew I was going to get it, it was a matter of when. Yet I question myself, do I really have it and they caught it early early on? I was in the hospital for 2 weeks and was released this Friday. I was sent home with monitoring of bp & weight & will be brought in more often to see my ob. So far, baby looks great, no bp issues, so its a wait & see game from here. I was given the steroid shot the day before being transferred to other hospital. The memories all came flooding back, last year I was admitted at 27 w 5 days because of how sick I was with preeclampsia and had gotten the shot. I was just so scared everything was going to happen again.

Thankfully, I am at home, feeling alright, but it just still scares me because inside, I feel like something is slightly off. I could be being paranoid, but I just feel as if I am that ticking time bomb as many of us pre E mommies say, waiting to explode. But I Am thankful to be where I am at today. So far this baby is not showing signs of IUGR which is FANTASTIC. So that is going in my favor. I go for my MFM appointment August 3rd, I hadn't been in in a month. We will be doing the growth scan & looking at the blood flow. I am hoping for great news.

Until then, I just have to keep hanging in here, was put on modified bed rest, laying low around the house, lots of rest to keep that bp from rising. I am just hoping & praying for the very best of outcomes!

Here is a picture of me of today, this was the biggest I had ever seen myself get, never got this big with my sweetpea Naomi.


MelO said...

Jill I have told you before and will continue to tell are truly an inspiration to me and all other mommies out there. Your strength, perseverance, and continued faith have carried you through alot. Not many people who go through what you have are this strong but you push forth through it all. I admire you so much. You make your daughters proud!

ryansmom said...

I hate Preeclampsia! I'm praying it hangs low throughout your pregnancy.

Jill said...

Thank you so much both of you. I am trying so much, but I just cant help it but think otherwise what may happen or whats a head of me, just 1 more day & I will be 28 weeks! My first goal, and my goal of many I hope to complete & pass! I HATE preeclampsia too!!!! My WORST enemy.

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