Thursday, October 28, 2010

Thought in a text...

The other night, I get a text from one of my good friends whom I met last year in the hospital after having Naomi. He texted me asking how Sadie was doing. I talk to him every now and then but not often. I paused for a minute and all these flashbacks came to me especially the ending of when I lost Naomi. I had been talking to him shortly in the hospital after I had told myself I was done with "the father of Naomi". He knew what was going on and even had known a lot and had police friends so had given me some advice while visiting Naomi. What came to mind was how that night I got the call and was in the NICU with my mom I started to text him and tell him Naomi wasnt going to make it. He was texting with me to relax and that she would be okay but I kept telling him no she wasn't going to be. He said he would come to see me after school or and when he would come to see his brother.

(His brother had a horrible thing happen to him around time I had Naomi and thats how I met him). But as it happened, I told him I lost her. And he surprised me and came up and was with my mom and I for a little bit and then went to be with his family. I remember him coming a few days before while Naomi was very sick and I took him up to meet her. She hadn't been opening her eyes and he tapped on her isolette and talked to her and he got her to open her eyes. I remember how I was "bummed" but in a happy way that he got her to and I couldn't. I kinda laughed it off, telling Naomi one day she will meet mommys good friend. Yet at that time I did start to like him.

I just cant believe its been all this time 17 months since I have lost my sweet baby girl. I did alot of crying yesterday, being she would be 18 months old. I hold Sadie alot and look at her and think would Naomi look like this, and the day when I have to tell Sadie she has a sister, but isnt physically here with us. Its going to be very difficult but something I have to do. I remember so much back then, especially after the fact I lost her, I was just overwhelmed with blur of things, I remember going to the ocean alot and I would see people and "hear them" but I wouldn't. It was all just there. I remember being rude to people, and I am NOT a rude person at all. I simply just miss her so much.


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