I am sitting in the cafe at Barnes and Nobels now, Wednesday 11:00 am and I decided to not go to class today AGAIN, 2nd time in a row. What the JIGGINS is going On in my head to think it's okay to do such a thing?! I took a *break* from class yesterday, didn't go, and again today. Yes, I know what you're thinking, it's not high school anymore Jill. Last time I did that was 7-8 years ago. I am 24 years old, a adult, a
We just learned phlebotomy last week. I have yet to read the chapter (update: I did today. For some reason I could not get this to post so I had to rewrite everything as I saved it. Thank god). Yesterday in class, we were supposed to perform the rocedure venipuncture on dummy and she would grade us on that. Counted as a test grade! Wasnt there. I wasn't ready. I was nervous for one, and two, I just did not study the steps enough. My friend was even willing to meet up with me to help me before class. I choose not to go. Today, I missed another written test which I was SO not ready for so I thought this morning before waking up, why go and take this test and fail it? Today they started on EKG. ah! Lots of important info I cant miss! I spent my day in the bookstore, blogging and studying like I should have earlier in the week.
I think ever since my breakup with my boyfriend a month ago, it has been getting to me. I cannot though use that as an excuse or anything else for that matter! When I was with him, we would always go and study. Now? I see myself not caring as much. This is for my daughters, Naomi and Sadie. I want to make them proud. I owe it to them, I owe it to myself. Do I want to stay at my parents house forever? Hell to the fudge no. I want to one day purchase my own car, move out and decorate my own little place how I WANT IT. I want out of here *one fine day* and by me doing this, I am not inching my way any closer out that front door. Why did I not go you ask? Simple. I was and am a total idiot. I had my weekend, well long weekend, I only have class class Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday. Mondays and Fridays are online. I usually do not do anything on those days thinking I can have my long weekend and procrastinated til Monday night and cram studying and homework in. No bueno. Not smart. Not working for me. I'm slipping. I feel it. I can't let myself get in that dark hole. I am NOT the smartest cookie in the world, not the brightest crayon.
I need to get in the habit of studying at least 2-3 hours a day. It is hard with a 13 month old. BUT, there are mothers, single mothers, who go to school, AND work AND take care of their child(ren). So I think I have it hard. I do, but not as hard. I need to ask for help. I dont't at home with Sadie. She is my daughter, I take care of her. I feel like I am a bad person or bad mother if I ask or accept it. I just need to figure out some type of schedule ie; playtime with Sadie, study time and exercise:mama time. I swear there is just not enough time in the day. I need to prioritize big time. I seem to have them mixed up. Facebook should NOT be on the first line. I am obsessed always checking it. I need to lay off just a tad. Maybe once my work and studying are all done, then I can play and "check". Others lives should not matter. They aren't the ones needing to study or will give me my A.
I needed to get this out. I already caught up on blogs. Which again should be the last thing. I am worrying every day if I don't catch up. Like Facebook. I think I will start making blog catch up days on Friday! I need to attend to my studies. I feel like I Screwed up by not going to class these two days. I missed a lot. A test and a procedure test and EKG info. I feel like I failed. I can change this. I need to. I have no choice. This is for my sweet girls, Naomi Hope and Sadie Marie . I would do anything for them.
let's get to the studying, shall we?!
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