Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Overwhelmed & worried...

I slept a lot today, quite tired, has alot to do with my anemia I am sure, and plus the fact I am in my 3rd trimester as well. But I took out my pregnancy and baby magazines that I had received from the doctors office and just put away and hadn't looked at them until now.

I started to read just one pamphlet on breastfeeding (because I would very much like to try and do so as long as I can) and also a pregnancy magazine. After reading both of them, panic set in. I thought, its really starting to settle in that in a few amount of weeks, everything is going to change. Don't get me wrong, I am very excited, yet it seems so surreal, will I really have a baby to take home this time?

The breastfeeding alone seems like something I may have trouble with but I do not want to give up before I even start. I want the best for my baby and they say that is the best. I read some interesting tid bids, baby feeds every 1.5 to 3 hours, that breast milk digests quickly in babys tummy and that the babys tummy is the size of his or her little fist. So needs frequent feedings. Also to not use a pacifier or bottle in the first few weeks of breastfeeding. I found that interesting as well. I see my sister is already doing that but I wonder the reasoning behind not using those is.

Also, I do not even have the nursery which is my room set up yet. But we will be getting a crib and changing table, my room is quite small but we will make it work! I kind of wish I can get the whole thing of making a nursey but my room is pretty good as it is I say. We just didnt' do anything due to me not knowing what will be my outcome. Maybe one day I can make it more girly for her, or by that time maybe I will be on my own out of my parents house?

Reading on what is needed to, I hope I get lots of that at the shower, but yet also will purchase whatever else is needed. I am panicking because I am feeling like I have forgot so many things. I realized I haven't taken an infant cpr course and that is VERY important. So I am wondering if I can get that done before I have my little girl. I also need to pick out a pediatrition and register for the hospital. Pack a bag too possibly!? Because knowing with my luck, the next time I end up back in the hospital, that could be for good. I see that baby needs an outfit to come home in, and so does mama! So many things to be checked off and done! Daycare or home daycare is needed to be looked at, and what I will be doing for work, and or school. So much to plan and I haven't done much.

I guess I just expect things to go not so good, but I have a feeling, things will go as planned this time, I *hope*. I just can't imagine what it will be like with a baby here, i try to so hard, but i can't. But I guess I will know shortly.

I am getting extremely anxious to meet my little girl and to see who she looks like. I am almost 34 weeks, still have some growing time to do! I just had to get this off my chest, because I had a moment where I wanted to break down. I feel better getting it out! I will be having my 4d done at the office on Friday that I was supposed to have last week but I couldn't due to me being in the hospital.

I am very excited for the 4D, I will be exactly 34 weeks on that day! I just pray I can continue safely to at least 37 weeks. I am just about to reach my 3rd goal that Doctor recommended of 34 weeks. I cannot believe it. Just have to keep tucking along!


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