Sunday, September 12, was supposed to be my baby shower. The shower I had never been able to have with Naomi. I was looking forward to this yet I was full of emotions. I thought please let me be released so I can make my shower, yet I thought and know my health and babies health are so much more important than a baby shower that can take place after she is born & home with me. And I would have felt beyond horrible if I had went and something happened, afterall, I am still supposed to be on bedrest.
So anyways, my friend Kalie, (one who was throwing shower for me) came and visited me that day and brought some of the shower gifts I was meant to have because she knew I was upset and down about having to be in the hospital and missing my special day. My mom had been visiting as well and was able to see me open the gifs. She had got me the cutest little outfits, and nicknacks for a baby, pacifiers, teething rings, bottles, you name it! Said she also has alot more at home she could not bring. I was shocked. Then a little bit after, I got surprise visitors, friends I had not seen in awhile bringing in HUGE gifts. I just was so shocked and so very thankful for the friends I have. They would continue to tell me this baby girl wont go without anything. Made me very very happy. I just got so many adorable outfits, and boy did they think to also get bigger sizes in clothing! I also got tons of diapers & other baby nicknacks and even a yummy cake! I was just so happy, that definitely made my day for not having my shower! I was happy my mother was there to see me open the gifts.
Well, yesterday, my nurse came in near the end of shift and had said "Well I hear you are staying with us." I said "really? Like remainder of pregnancy?" She said yes, doctors don't want to take chances. I told her I said good because I wasnt going to let them release me this time. I wasn't goin anywhere. I was on bedrest at home, yes being from the bed or to the couch I was doing, but I also had to get up to make my own meals and of course living at home with my family theres alwayss something going n and my bp was just quite high. Being here in the hospital it is alot less stimulating and makes me calm. So that made me happy, I am hoping for at least another 2 weeks. I thought, wouldn't it be bitter sweet if I had Naomi's little sister on the 27th of this month? That would make me 36 weeks and 3 days. Yes my due date isnt until Oct 22nd, but I would so take that! So here is to a few more weeks!
I honestly cannot picture me having my little girlie in my arms and actually taking her home. The day I have her, is going to be FULL of emotions. I am going to be a mess, both happy, sad, excited, scared all rolled into one. Even thining about it now I am tearing up. I just know I will think about Naomi when being operated on and when I hear her little cry, boy, these doctors are going to think I am nuts. Its just going to be bittersweet. I am hoping to be able to wear my necklace with Naomi but I dont think I will be able to. I am hoping at least it can be near the table or I will let my mom hold on to it. I just cant believe how close I am and how delivery is pretty much right around the corner. Boy with these hospital stays, time flew by quick!
I am actually still stuck on a name!! For so long I had thought of Gracie Faith. I was driving one day months ago and saw this sign that said "Gracie Jit Jiu" or something like that. I repeated Gracie in my head and it really clickd with me. Then I thought Faith because Hope, it just went well with Naomi's name. Well my sisters had commented on it saying Gracie is pretty but that it sort of is country and or that Graceie & Faith is too much. So that kind of got me thinking, yet I know it is my own choice. Other names I have that I really do like are: Delaneey Grace, Aubrey, Rylie Paige, and I really do like alot Willow. I am into unique names. I joke and I tell my friends I am going to put them all in a bowl and just draw one, I cant choose! Maybe when I see her I will know? I am mad because I was so set on her little name. I still feel like she is "Gracie". We shall see.
Yesterday morning, I was watching a baby show and I thought let me stick with it so I can see if its a boy or girl and maybe here a name for an idea. And sure enough, they say "baby Naomi was born". My mouth dropped. Lately I had been having a lot of signs having Naomi around. I then started to tear up and had to change the channel. Another happening, I was in bed of course and my nurse commented on my necklace. She says "how many pictures does that hold" or something very similar to that. I paused for a few seconds and I then said "my daughter was cremated and she is with me here". She then started to sort of get off subject I guess she didn't know what to say but then I had said yes, alot of people assume I am wearing a locket. It does look like one. After she had left the room, I immediately got up and went into the bathroom and just started bawling my eyes out. I thought why me? Why? I WISH that my necklace was a locket with my sweet Naomi's picture in it. But its not. I carry her ashes with me. I have not taken this necklace off but maybe once or twice to clean the hair that gets stuck in it. I feel naked without it and I just evenI like shutter when it is off me. I am very thankful my sweet neighbor got it for me. Then, on one more note! I was watching tv a morning show & they have a segment on, and "Home" by Chris Daughtry starts playing. I thought oh my gosh, Naomi what are you doing to your mommy? That was the song that was playing in the OR when she was born.