The First.

The first of the month always brings happiness to people, the start of something new, a fresh month. For me, you ask? It brings sadness. It is a painful reminder of another month gone by without my sweet Naomi. She was taken from me June 1, 2009. Just seeing that, it seems like just yesterday yet so long ago and I can't believe its been 2.5 years. How did I survive? Had I not had my now best friend in my life than I would not have made it. Lately, these past 2-3 days, I have been a basket case. I had Christmas music on the other day and jus started bawling my eyes out. I had to turn it off. Reminded me of her. Yesterday I woke up and I could not remember if I had a dream of not of Naomi. I would like to think I did because of I am questioning myself it seems to be so. It was the strangest thing too. I was getting ready for school and was doing something in the kitchen.

I happen to look over and Naomi's picture is on the screensaver out of ALL of the pictures in computer it was her. I was like wow. Then later I saw on facebook that a dear BLM friend who I have not met yet that lives local to me said that her doctor that delivered her rainbow baby was talked about on our local radio station and what an awesome doctor he is. I was shocked. Another sign. Her doctor delivered me that morning because my damn bitch of a doctor was out of town.

The holidays are officially here and it is so stinking hard. I look into Sadie's eyes and I thank god for her. I think how Naomi sent her to be with me. Yet I feel Naomi is in her. I don't know why I just feel it. I miss you Naomi Hope. So very much. Your sister and I kiss your picture every night and Sadie sleeps with a bear that's named Hope for you. I miss you and it will be bittersweet when your sister is older and I tell her about you. I so wish you were here I want to see you and hold you and kiss you one more time.

RIP my beautiful angel. Gone but never ever forgotten. Fly HIGH.

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