Friday, April 16, 2010

Still irritated & not so good memories

Last night, I was invited by an old high school acquitance to go and see her best friend's husband in the hospital in the ICU. I thought I should go because I have always said I would see her but never have or gotten around to it and I figure she could use some company while basically her husband is on his way to lose his battle with his disease.

As I was walking with my friend up to the hospital, I started panicking thinking "Omg, what did I get myself into? HES ON A VENTILATOR. Naomi was on a ventilator, then a jet ventilator on her last few days of life. I thought I can't go in there and see this, I just can't. I thought I can't just leave, shes my ride." I figure I will try and suck it up since she is going through a hard time.

We went in and I had never met him before, and he was just very out of it but seeing him like that I felt so bad, yet I started having flashbacks of my little sweet Naomi laying in her incubator with the ventilator. I just tried to focus my attention on talking with my 2 friends and not looking at him as much, even though hearing the machine go and all the beeping noises, I couldn't take it very much longer.

Finally we left after maybe a good 30-40 minutes. The wife (our friend) walks us out and we all start talking in the parking lot. Meanwhile, my friend is pregnant, has the belly, and is due this August. She pulled out a cigarette and started smoking!!! I was stunned. I thought how in the hell can someone do such a thing, to enhale smoke to their unborn child. Just made me so sick, I was ready to yap my mouth to her but I thought I better not, yes I know she is going through alot, but hell one of my good friends is also very pregnant and used to smoke but QUIT the day she found out she wsa pregnant. & the fact she knows what happened with me, just appauled me. She said shes smoked with her 1.5 yr old when pregnant with him and he turned out fine. "Im sure he may appear that way, wait till hes older and he starts having problems". I hope not.

I hate the smell of smoke anyways, I can't stand being around people who smoke, and I stay clear away from it as it it. Just made me so sick to see that, and I've seen it one other time, I just do NOT understand it, and never will.


Lisette said...

Oh gosh, what a terrible thing to do to her unborn child. So selfish and ignorant of her. Sorry you had to endure that terrible hour with them, ((HUGS)).

Jill said...

I know =( it just killed me. And I am sure there are many more where that came from as well. =(

Jill said...


I just viewed your profile. Your baby girl is absolutely adorable, so beautiful. I am so sorry about your & your family's loss. Your son is adorable & you have a beautiful family, all 4 of you.

One of my good friends is due in 6 weeks, in June, (ugly month for me, Naomi passed June 1 last year) but I am willing to be there for her. She also lost her daughter last year, same month Naomi was born, she lost her daughter at 21 weeks. We both thought was VERY odd we both had a loss. She wasnt due until September and I wasnt due until July. She has come so far and I am just amazed at her.
I have not been able to hold a new born baby yet, but I could see myself more easier with the boys as well, due to me having a girl, I just couldnt bring myself to do it. You are just beautiful. Thank you for following my blog. <3

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