Tuesday, August 31, 2010
Where to start? I got a call yesterday morning saying that my sister would be coming to the hospital where I am at and was in labor. I thought, wow finally it is happening. Around 8pm last night, my mom sent updates via text, saying shes at a ten, ready to go, yet low & behold, wasnt officially born until 11:13pm, August 30. Weighing in at 8 lbs 2 oz. I knew I would be emotional, but didn't know to what extent. My best friend was with me since 4pm yesterday and had stayed til about 12am. Which I am SO very thankful for her in my life!
About 1am, after my sister got cleaned up and everything was settled, I got wheeled in to see her and my family. As I saw the baby & my sister, I just lost it, I started bawling my eyes out. I was happy for her, yet I was broken as well. The emotions of having and losing Naomi and that being her first child, and me losing my first, just was all so much. My mom came to comfort me and I soon was okay. She placed him in my arms, and he just looked at me with his little eyes, so precious. After leaving the room, I came back to my room, still very emotional and just had to cry and cry. Just brought me so emotional because I missed Naomi so much, the pain came back like it was yesterday.
But as today came around, I have been better, yet still I can't help to just remember Naomi and ask WHY. Why did I have to go through all of that? Why can't I have her in my arms with me?
It is just on the eve, September 1, it will be 15 months since Naomi passed away. I can't believe it. Today my mom called me after leaving hospital visiting my sister and I as well, she called to tell me that Naomi sent me a rainbow, a double rainbow. Made me smile yet, hurt inside. I love you my precious Naomi and I thank you so much for watching over your mommmy and little sister to be.
Next goal Dr says is 34 weeks, will be 33 on Friday. I can do this, day by day. I pray for a healthy 6 safe outcome.