Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Yesterday, I went to visit my friend whom I met during my stay in the hospital 3 weeks ago. I had told her I would visit her a few days ago, but kept putting it off. I really did not want to go into a NICU again even tho I had been a couple months after losing Naomi. I finally tho, decided to go, to be there for her, it is not an easy job. I met up with her and we walked into her baby's room. I was amazed, I SO wish Naomi had been born there. They have their own very private rooms! So she can be with her own baby, 24/7, has a couch in there to sleep on, it was just so nice. I was able to touch her son, remembered all the precautions that had to be taken, washing hands, I remember and did it all. Seeing the very less tubes tho on him, reminded me of Naomi. His movements reminded me of Naomi, the way he was sleeping on his belly reminded me of Naomi. That was her favorite position, and well mommys too that I just thought she was oh so cute as she slept!
We both talked about our experiences and how when pree comes, it comes and gets you quick! It makes me so angry about it, that word will just haunt me forever & ever. I tell her how everytime I find out a friend is pregnant or has a headache, I quickly tell her to watch bp, and watch for these signs. It is no joke. But I am glad I went to see her. I had wanted to cry several times but did not want to scare her or upset her. She knows, it is a rollercoaster in there. One day good news, the next bad and on and on. I just am praying for that baby to continue his journey and hopefully by the end of September, he will get to go home!
On another note, I just am amazed, at how far I have come. I just was reading my journal entries on when I lost Naomi, months after, talking about not wanting to llive and just my memories of me screaming and crying and calling her name, and being in bed for days and weeks on end, depressed, not eating, sleeping all day, just crying and wanting to be all alone. I still have my days, but those days are alot less than before. I still look at my sweet Naomis pictures and think, I cannot believe I had her, and within a month, was taken from me. But I am very thankful I had gotten to meet her and spend those weeks with her.
So far, this pregnancy, is going well. I know my Naomi is watching over the both of us. I have had several signs from her, I believe she is all around. I have made it to 30+ weeks, 5 days, it seems odd saying that, I am not used to it. I am just hoping and praying it continues that way, but I know and am ready for anything to change. I am watching myself like a hawk! I try and picture myself holding this little girlie, but I just can't. I don't know how I am going to feel, I know overwhelmed with emotions. I just know I will be an emotional mess, but thankful to meet Naomi's little sister. May all go well and continue this way, and for all the other mommies out there, I PRAY FOR YOU ALL AS WELL.
The next couple of days will be filled with birthday celebrations, my mom's is tomorrow, mine is on Friday, and then on TUESDAY is the big day. I will be having a 4D ultrasound done by my doctor's office, I CANNOT wait to see my little girl. I haven't gotten much of a peek of her, so I am hoping she will be cooperative! My best friend and 2 other friends will probably be joirning me as well. AND my sister is 38 weeks, 39 on friday, and is due anytime now, so these next few days, and weeks shall be filled with lots of exciting things to come, I HOPE! <3