Grief. & My Daughter. I never thought in a million years that I would be grieving the loss of my very first born, baby girl Naomi Hope. I sometimes just think I am living someone else's story or life and that I am just somehow walking as a ghost from day to day.
Other days, I feel like, I am so proud of myself from where I have come, yet the grief never ends. I think people think or assume, I am "okay" because I am now expecting again. Not really. I grieve for my little angel every single day. I look at her pictures just wishing she would come back to me. I miss my little Naomi.
Earlier tonight, I got a call from a number I did not know but I answered it. It happened to be my roomie from the hospital. I was so surprised yet happy to hear from her. I have been thinking about her and her baby recently alot and was wondering how things were going. We talked about both of our experiences, she indeed having preeclampsia, I told her how sorry I was we had to meet in that way yet I told her how I am there for her in anyway possible. She even said I am welcome to meet her little boy, he is still in the NICU, her duedate isnt until Sept 30, so may be there a little bit until after that. I pray for him to continue on his positive journey ahead. I pray, for my friend, she is 17 years old. Very hard to go through, for anyone.
On the flipside of things, I had my OB appointment this morning, everything is going well so far, SO FAR. I am very happy where I am, passed my 28 weeks (first goal from DR), yet it saddens me, why couldn't I have made it this far with Naomi? I just will never understand. My doctor said I am gaining weight which is good, negative dipstick, (horray), and bps look great, and feeling baby movements as well. I had repeat PIH labs done and I will have results for those by Friday. So my 2nd goal is to make to 32 weeks. I am just praying, I make it to that, and further on. I was then told next appt which is on the 24th of August, I will have a 4D ultrasound done by my office. I am SO excited! I remember when I hadnt been excited in this pregnancy, just about a few weeks ago I started allowing myself to become excited yet, still have my safety guard up by a long shot.
I know that ANYTHING can change in the blink of an eye. I am not ready for that, but I have no chance do I? I just am thankful for where I am today, and I pray that it continues on this way. I want to thank my friends, and family & amazing mommy support I have had especially through the forums and mommies I met, makes me feel so good how supporitve and caring so many are. THANK YOU!