Face of Loss Face of Hope Feb writing

I belong to a blog called Face of Loss Face of Hope & they asked if we would like to participate in a montly writing:

February’s topic: Valentine's Day is quickly approaching. Write about something special a friend, family member, or other loved one did for you after your baby(ies) died that really touched your heart

After Naomi passed away, it was extremely difficult to be near or with family. You would think it would be the opposite. But I just could not handle it all. I pushed them away. And I look back and wish I hadn't. My uncle, grandma, and Aunt all flew down from the North to come to her funeral. They were all supposed to come to meet her for the first time, not to witness her in her tiny coffin.

I remember my grandma and uncle arriving home with my dad from the airport. I remember trying to dance & smile and just pretend it was a good visit. But I was ever so hardly holding back a RIVER of tears. My uncle, he lost his 9 year old son, 22 years ago, and he told me straight up how it is. "It doesn't get easier, Im not going to lie, you have a tough road ahead of you Jill".

But, through all of this, my wonderful family just let me be, do whatever I needed to do to just "live". I could not go home for awhile after it happened, so my parents opened up their condo on the beach to let me stay for awhile. I needed a "getaway". They also payed and made all the arrangements for my sweet daughters funeral. I just could not take part in any of it. I couldn't think straight. Yet I wish sometimes i did help with that. But I cannot THANK them enough.

Also, my best friend. I don't know where I would be without her today. Her and her family had been WONDERFUL as well. The night of losing my daughter, they rented a hotel for Bonnie & I for two nights I think it was for me to get away in as well. I know also, so many times they offerend me and let me stay in their home as well in the spare bedroom. They were so thoughtful and caring and always asked how I was. I will never forget them or their sweet & kind hearts. I was so beyond grief stricken & here they opened their home and hearts to me, as if I were there 2nd daughter.

I leave a picture of my best friend & I.

Happy Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful and blessed
We love all of the tasty food, please clean up your mess!

Turkey, Green bean casserole, stuffing and more
Look out now, to bne surprised by yummies galore!

I am thankful for my family,friends, my health, Sadie, my angel Naomi, & a roof over my head
And will also be thankful after this huge lovely meal for my nice and comfy bed!


As I said above, I am thankful for so many things this year. I did have a nice thanksgiving this year but it was still a bit hard & sad. I did well all day but at the end before we were about to eat, I got sad & teary eyed. I started thinking how I was last year and how still a piece of me is missing and forever will be missed. Earlier ysterday, I went jet skiing with my 2 sisters, brother in law and dad, and the 2 babies on the intercoastal at John Loyd Park. There was a beautiful bright yellow butterfly that flew in my direction for a minute and then fluttered off. I immediately smiled yet then my heart sank, I said out loud , Happy Thanksgiving Naomi, I love you. I believe the butterfly was Naomi coming around on this day to let me know she is around me everywhere I go.



On Wednesday, I took my daughter Sadie, to the hospital where Naomi was born. I had wanted to bring some clothes to the NICU that Sadie outgrew in memory of her big sister Naomi. The whole time driving there I had knots in my stomach and chest. I got there and I just started to glance around and tried to just remain calm and breathe. I started to get teary eyed waiting in the line to check in for security. The woman remembered me and I had explained why I was there. She gave me a pass and I entered the elevator. The elevator. The one that I ran to and came out of that day that I would soon learn I would lose my Naomi. We went up there to see the head NICU lady and she gave me a hug and took me to go into the nicu, not where the babies were but in the front of it before the babies. And some nurses came out to see Sadie. About 3 or 4 of them came out and all marveled around her.

I guess it all overwhelmed me & I started to cry. They simply said she is beautiful and they held her as I ran downstairs to get the big box of clothes. They were happy to have got the clothes to use for a family, especially around the holidays it would come in handy. I felt good doing it. So I did make it, I was worried about it all week but I did it. I even saw the nicu doctor that had atteneded to Naomi a few times.

I am glad I went & made it. It was a year about since I had been back and it was just hard. I thank my friends for giving me support and cheering me on for being able to go.