Sunday, May 15, 2011

No, I'm not lucky, I'm BLESSED, Yes.

Okay, so I didn't have much to really blog about until *right* now. And boy am I frustrated.

Do you see this right here?

I am in the green writing and my sister shes the other. We haven't spoke all weekend and normally my nephew is here, me watchinf him. Well, I decided to text her to see what was going on and if I was going to start again watching him four days a week. She just (well 5 weeks ago had extensive plastic surgery) and Her 25 lb son was here for a good portion of it and slept over while she healed. Yet you would have thought she would have done her freaking research before getting all of this done having an EIGHT and a half MONTH old. He is not self suffient, not near the age at all. She should have waited. But we all know, when she wants something she "has to have it her way" right then and there.

She was told two weeks recovery time for a tummy tuck, arms and breast lift. Ha, try again when you have a heavy load to lift. Anyways, the above convo just happened. And I am so annoyed and angry. Tell me otherwise if you think I am overreacting PUHLEASE! :)

When she responded "tues thru fri okay?" I about lost it. Her husband is off tues/wed/thurs. You would THINK that they would want to spend time together as a family and go on outings with him or just hang around the house. But, NO. They both could care, well less actually and it is just so so sad. My sister, does not work, nor go to school. She doesnt nescessairly need to, due to being "finiancially set " for a while. But sorry, money doesnt last forever. Her husband works a full day and he, gets up with him if needed at night to do "mommy duty" while my sister gets her full nights sleep. I am floored.

They both have NO friggen idea what so ever, what its like to be in my shoes. The pain and grief I have had to deal with and STILL deal with, they would not want. After I lost Naomi, my arms ached for her, for a baby, to be beyond exhausted, not be able to shower, to be awoken by a crying baby several times a night, To be spit up on, etc. I craved it all. All. And being a TWO TIME SURVIVOR OF SEVERE PREECLAMPSIA, again she has no idea how blessef she truely is. Had a non complicated easy going pregnancy FULL term, 40 weeks and some days. While I was robbed of the joys and excitement in both pregnancies more so in the first then second. I was beyond terrified when pregnant with Sadie. I kept thinking with every pain or feeling or kick of her " this would be it" its all going to come crashing down on me.

But, thankfully, I have my sweet baby girl with me today and she is my WORLD. Which, when you go from being just you, to having a family, they become your world. Right? But, sadly, not with them. They can buy him all the toys in the world yet when it comes down to it, he is not going to know his own parents.

One day, after she had her surgery, they came over to pick him up on a Tuesday since he wouls be off til friday. I got him up from a nap and brought him over to see her. He takes one look at her and she puts down his lower lip and clenches my shirt and puts his head into me and cries as if he had no idea who she was. I thought that that would have been an eye opener for her but apparently not. I mean, she does nothing all day now, and she could come by and visit with her own son and interact with him. It just upsets me and gets me mad. I don't understand it. And id never want her to understand what a loss of a hild is like. This is the time of all their firsts well some, and shes missing out. Unlike her, Ill have to go to school. And ill miss the heck out of my baby. Ugh.

I saw this book a few months ago anf although its sprta mean, but its true. I thought of my nephew, he will start thinking my mom and i are his mother. I hope she changes fat, but I frankly don't see it.

I just guess I have to worry about myself and my daughter. She is my world. I am told by my friends and family what a good mom I am and how such good care I take of her. Puts a smile upon my face. I don't have to be told. I am not a perfect mom, no matter how much anyone wanta to be, theres just so such thing. But I know, my love and my care is working because she is just so happy and always smiling makes me feel like my job is done at the end of the day.

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