Friday, May 27, 2011

Sadness + Grief = eating & eating

5'1=60 inches short. 123lbs. 123= to grossness. I have an excuse, no really I do.

My petite frame, I SHOULD weigh 110-115 lbs. I need need to lose ten or so lbs. I am upset at myself because Sadie is 8.5 months old and I should have worked my butt off and gotten ready for the summer. I am not liking my body at all now. I see lots of friends statuses on FB about the gym and tanning blah blah. I wish I can afford a gym, lots of my friend work out. I know id feel alot better about myself. But, thats STILL no excuse for my icky ickyness. The outside is available, and its FREE as a bird!

Id love to be skinny again, tone up, tan and look better. I need to learn to do my makeup and hair and shop for a new wardrobe for myself. I think I deserve it. Mama needs a bit of "pep". I am constantly making sure my little girl is always fancy dancy and cute. She comes FIRST. Of course. But, if I can learn to take a few minutes to myself or for myself in the am to look better I think id feel better. Just wish I had more money (don't we all) to help with these things. But I deal with what I have. I have some money, and I am always updating Sadie's wardrobe and not mama's! :) first things first!

But, I've noticed I havent been "myself" lately. Well, I will never be myself again, my life was forever changed. My best friend and even another friend of mine could feel and hear it in me that I havent been. I look at the calendar and I sigh. June 1, Wednesday will be two years, TWO years since Naomi died. I can't believe it. Feels sooo long ago since I have seen her, held her and smelt her soft baby skin. The days keep passing on by and its further I am and have been away from her. I miss her so much. This weekend being memorial day, makes it difficult for me. I am pretty sure the eve when I lost Naomi was memorial day.

I don't have anything planned as of yet to do on her day, but I would like to. Any ideas?

Hope all have a nice holiday weekend.


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Kelly said...

I'm 5'0 and started off at 128. I was 150 at the highest when pregnant with Adam and Natalie. I'm at 117 now. It's taking forever to lose it, but losing weight while grieving is tough stuff. I'm where I was pre-Adam now, but trying to get to 110 which is where I was when I got pregnant with Natalie. I do Weight Watchers, which costs money obviously, but it's all about portion control really. And I track everything I eat, which helps me. I really don't do any working out other than walking and chasing Natalie around. :) No tanning lady, it's so bad! Pale is the new tan! ;)

Raven said...

oh girl, we ALL feel that way, trust me. Us mommas after we have kids, will probably never look the same but we have precious children to show for it :) but I know we all want to look our best and summer ready, why don't you take Sadie for walks aboutside in her stroller? That's great exercise (esp if the walk is long) and all babies love getting outside!

Holly said...

I am 5'1" too. It's not easy to find the time to work out when you have kids. I wish I could work out like I used to. I felt really good then!

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