Firsts for baby Sadie ! Now the fun begins...

Yesterday, mama tried Beachnut cereal/oatmeal with Sadie for the first time. It was so very cute, she made the usual baby first expressions with it but did pretty well! She ate a couple bites then was a bit fussy so I decided I will stop and nurse her.

I can't believe I have come to the point now to where it is time to actually feed her baby food and things, how exciting & the fun begins! Messy messy times! It just seems like yesterday she were home from the hospital, eating like a baby bird from the tiniest bottles! Oh how my baby is growing! oh! And I also tried carrots with her later on in the day and she liked them! I was surprised! :)

Around 5 o clock last night, I took Sadie for a walk our usual route is the park and then home. So I decided to stop at the swings & I took her out and she sat on mama's lap and we sung for a few minutes. She was a little scared at first but then mama slowed down and we got off and went to the baby swing, (more her type! ;) and well I stood there hesitantly looking to her and then the swing a good 5 times! I wasn't sure if she would go in or not, she just looked so small to me. (But yes in some pictuers she does look big, I just think its the camera ;) but well I thought I will try it! I put her in and she was kind of like "uh mom what is this!?" I pushed her a little but then she ended up getting cranky and then slid on down, so she still has a little more growing to do then she will be able to sit up like a big girl!

This is the best picture I could get! With her fussing when "mom thought oh I better get my phone out for this! Since it was her first time in baby swing at the park!" When my phone would finally take the picture, Sadie's head was turned!

Side note: Naomi would have been 21 months yesterday! :( miss you baby girl OH so much & love you with all of my heart. I have got to start planning and working on the March of Dimes, her birthday (April), and the preeclampsia quilt design!

Oh! Today 1/28/11 I put Sadie down for a nap 2 hrs after waking up, because I noticed she was fussy and I thought let me give it a try. So I nursed her and she fell asleep and I quietly laid her down & stepped out of the room. I thought WOW! She didn't wake up for once and start crying. I go to my mom "watch, in 10 minutes shes going to wake up and start crying." But she DIDNT! She slept for an HOUR! I was so happy. Now, let me explain. For a good few weeks, I had been having difficulty getting her to nap. She would usually fall asleep while feeding and I would lay her down, and she would just end up waking up again screaming and crying, I would try and let her cry it out a little and soothe herself back to sleep, but it wouldnt happen and or I would just go pick her up becasue my heart couldn't take it.

I thought what the heck is wrong with me? Why can't I get her to nap? She always just fell asleep and would wake up as soon as I put her down. I would get frustrated because I know she is still a little baby, and NEEDS her sleep. I do not want her to get sick on me. I know babies and toddlers get sick, but I wanna keep it away as long as I can! We all know sleep is very important. So I belong to this group "Rainbow babies" on facebook and I decided let me ask a question and explain what has been going on with her. And I got a LOT of wonderful feedback, some mommies told me about some boks and some just told me what they do. Like this one mom said she usually puts her baby down 2 hrs after waking up for the morning nap (which sounds pretty good) and then after that waking, maybe 3 or so hrs for afternoon nap.

So I thought I will give it a try. I also have been having a LOT of difficulty at night with her. I thought 5 or 6 was too early for a baby to go down "for the night". My sister does that with her son, and some other mommies start "the routine" then too. So I thought, hm maybe its not too early afterall? But Sadie would cry and cry and just would not go to bed until 9;30 on the dot. She would do the same thing at bedtime as nap time. I would feed her til shes full and she would fall asleep and of course just cry and cry. Now, I did just wake up from a 2 hr nap with her, (she naps SO well on me-but I just cannot nap with her everyday. I wish I can, but mommy has to get things done sometimes!) But she laid on me while I laid in bed and I just have my arm over her and we both sleep in peace!

So with two good naps in today, I am going to see how tonight works with her bedtime to see if having her nap well during the day helps get her easier to sleep at night? Because maybe by night time she is just WAY beyond tired, and I have read that overly tired babies have a hard time sleeping or getting to sleep. I am crossing my fingers for this. I just want to be a good mommy to her, I know I am, but I just wanna be able to figure out whats causing her to cry & cry like this :(. If this doesn't work, my mom suggested calling into her doctor to explain whats going on to see if she would recommend anything else or if something could be possibly wrong. :( I sure hope not.

Merry Christmas!

This Christmas, I have an angel in Heaven, who has had her 2nd Christmas up there. Her name is Naomi. I miss her with every inch of my body. I grabbed her ornamnet on the tree tonight, and just kissed it. This morning, was a little difficult. While opening gifts with the family, I felt my eyes beginning to fill up with tears. Even with the laughter, the smiles, the gift opening, EVEN WITH SADIE IN MY ARMS. I got up and took Sadie to my room and just had to sit in the rocking chair & let the tears flow.I kissed Naomi & kissed her pictures.I then heard my name, jumped up, wiped my face, and came out and began on with the festivities.

This Christmas feels alot different than last years. Last year, I did not want to partake in ANY thing. I can barely remember last Christmas. I do know I was in Philly with my sister and grandma. I remember getting a journal from my Uncle, because I specfically told him I wanted nothing. He too knows how I feel, he lost a child at 9 years old. So he knows. So I had that journal to write things out, write out my pain, write out my anger, my hurt, my sadness. I am in alot better place now than I was last year. I didn't think I would make it. I have. I actually wanted to do things this Christmas, bake, and hang with the family, it felt different, yet a little bettter, yet still sad. I will forever have that spot in my heart that aches, that spot that is for Naomi. Can never be filled.

This Christmas was very nice. We spent the morning opening gifts, I just watched everyone open theirs, with Sadie in my lap. Then everyone was wanting me to open gifts. I didn't care much for gifts. My gift, was in my lap. She was here, perfect as ever. I just look at it is I got my gift 3 months early :) (on time tho Thank God). My sister came over with my nephew and her husband and it was very lovely. Later this evening we were invited to a Christmas party at my brother in laws fathers house. I am glad I went! My mom, two sisters, and babies went. They all awwed at them, and how they are so close in age, yet saw the big difference in weight and size wise. I explained about Naomi to this one older lady and after I said she passed, she says "oh I am so sorry." then says "oh well you have her now". I am sure she didnt mean it like that, but I felt it. I just kept that replaying in my head for a few minutes. Then went on with the night. I enjoyed talking to the others and sharing Sadie, oldies marveled over her, got some smiles here and there. Made mama happy & proud.

This Christmas was bittersweet. My sweet Naomi I know is watching over her mommy and little sister. This Christmas I have my 2nd daughter, Sadie, to spend it with and my wonderful family & friends. I am truely blessed. To me, it is not about the gifts, its about being with the ones you love and enjoying the company and sharing stories and building memories. I have always been someone who was not materialistic. I could do with out a LOT. One thing I did receive, the big gift I had asked for though, was a camcorder. Santa brought mommy one this year, so I can video Sadie as she grows & catch her milestones.

This Christmas was a hit. Merry Christmas my angel Naomi. Mommy loves you so very much and misses you dearly. So does little sister Sadie. Merry Christmas to all the families, and sweet babies and children who cannot be here with us, but are forever in our hearts and minds every single day. Here is to Christmas 2010 and may these last 5-6 days of the year be filled with fun, laughter, hope, love, faith and happiness.