6 months and 12 hrs old...

My little girl Sadie Marie Marish is offically 6 months old. I honestly cannot believe it. Where has the time gone? I feel like I just wrote her 5 month old post yesterday. *cries* You think they are lying when they tell you, "In the blink of an eye" but no really, its TRUE.

Sadie is shining her personality each and every day. She amazes me. She is always doing something new and different each day. Lately, she has been grabbing for things and is very very wiggly. It surprised me because it like happened over night!

She is becoming more aware of herself, still looks at her hands and is starting to chew more on them especially today I noticed it. She is probably teething is my guess. She is still in 1-2 diapers. She drinks 2-3 oz, but tonight and last night she guzzled down 4-5 oz and that was HUGE, I had never seen that. I think I had heard that 6 months is a growth spurt, so that may be possibly what she is going through. I have to do some reading up on that!

So this morning, she had her 6 month checkup. I was sitting there in the waiting room where all the families and kiddies weight. I am holding Sadie and this guy comes out from the check out area with his son((who is my guess a month or two older than Sadie) and very strangley doesn't say anything before saying this these are the first words out of his mouth really loudly,"IS SHE YOUR FIRST!?". I was holding Sadie and I just said, "no.". He then seemed very odd talking to me and said, "there is a parenting class and" I couldnt catch the rest really word for word but he did say how they loved this class and they learned alot & how he wants everyone to know about it because they had so much fun.

Ha, really? Does he want me to believe that shit? I think not. I got the feeling he "assumed" I am some really young trashy girl who doesn't know what I am doing with a baby. WELL WELL WELL, if only he knew how good I am of taking care of her and that I have had YEARS of experience as a nanny, daycare and babysitting. Childcare is my life, kids are my life, and so are both my babies. And then there was this blonde 15 month old little boy around in front of me and he goes "is that yours?". I said, "um no". I wanted to scream at him "she is fucking dead". He just really rubbed me the wrong way, and I am sorry for cursing on here, I never do, just that he caught me off guard with all this talk.

Well, the rest of her appointment went well, Sadie at 6 months weighs 12.5 lbs (3% tile) and 25 inches (20% tile). I was concerned once I heard those and I asked the doctor she did say that they are comparing her to normal 6 month olds but that she was infact born at 35 weeks (almost). But did say she wanted her to come back next month for a weight check, instead of the 3 month gap until her 9 month checkup. She also said that Sadie can have 2-3 oz of water and can start with babyfoods and can also wear baby sunscreen! So I am excited about that because summer is around the corner and I just can't wait to get her to the waterpark and at our pool as well! Mama must keep working on her bathingsuit figure! :)

Sadie got her two shots and I swear she is a strong little ladi! She nurse even commented on her , she cried for like a very split second with the last one and it didnt really even phase her. Mama was glad, because I hate when she is in pain.

So later on in the afternoon, my friend Amy had been wanting me to come by so she can give Sadie her very late xmas gift. I said she so did not have to do that but she insisted. I had kept missing her and finally decided since I didnt have my nephew I will head over there, I figured I better not head off to the mall and spend money I do not have. I told her I wouldnt stay very long because Sadie didnt nap well before. I got there and I was amazed and I feel bad to say it but disgusted. She lives with I think two friends, its a house, prob 3 bedrooms but it was absolutely FILTHY. I could see dirt and stuff all on the floor and it was a pig mess. How could anyone live in that? I just girted through my teeth and forced a smile and thought omg get me the heck out of here.

I am a very clean person and especially Sadie as well. Everyone comments on how nice smelling she is all the time and clean she is. Well thats right, I take care of her well and I make sure she is cleansed and bathed. How could anyone let their kids be filthy all the time? I'm sorry, I can't. I am not a clean freak as I used to be, but I like things to be tidy and clean. :)

She ended up giving Sadie 3 outfits that were 6 months, yet because Sadie is still small, I know they would fit her for awhile, and she got her two toys, and a push walker thingy, that at 9 months it says you can start using. I was floored, I didn't expect all that from her. And her and I never spoke in highschool, I knew of her, but never was in that clique. She and I met through Naomi's loss again on myspace and she reached out to me which I thought was thoughtful. Yet, I stayed away from her because she smoked cigs the whole time she was pregnant with her last son and I was really sickened by that especialy she knew how Naomi is gone. I just didnt like seeing that so I stayed away.

But I was and am very thankful for her thoughtfulness of Sadie & I. She did come when I was in hospital before having Sadie and showered me with gifts, she knew my situation, again I thought was SO very kind of her.

Well she had her friend over that she says sometimes stay there for awhile, her daughter came out and I asked how old she is. She said almsot 2. I thought oh boy, here we go again. So I was watching her and thought, if Naomi lived or was born when she shouold have this is what she would be like, well in a nutshell. I then asked, whens her birthday? She said July 20th. I just went, ohh and forced a smile. Naomi's due date was July 19, 2009. :( but she was born due to emergency c section and severe preeclampsia on April 27, 2009.

Happy 6 months to my beautiful little Sadie!!! I know your sister is up watching over you and making sure you continue growing like the big girly you are and performing all the milestones one way or another. Love both of my girlies!

Glamour Shots!

Sorry that these are pictures of pictures but it will have to do for now until I can scan them or get them copied, I have 4 more others that are on CD and I will post once I get them on as well. I should have gotten a CD of ALL the prints for the price I paid for these things. Ugh, but I am happy I have finally got them in my presence. Cant wait to get a photo frame and to put these up! <3

The one with Naomi's picture, originally Sadie was going to be placed next to it with the flower petals and everything but she was at her wits end, for all of these pictures, poor little girly was not happy :(

Supermom? Yes/no maybe so?

As of right this very minute, I am in my grief. I miss Naomi SO very much. It hurts like hell all over again. I was just feeding my nephew in my mothers room and putting down for a nap, and I was staring at the picture my mom has on her desk of holding Naomi in the NICU. She also has a sonogram picture of her cut in a heart. Tears automatically started flowing, I cried silently while feedding my nephew. I started to remember things, I saw them flash in my head.

The days when noone would be home after Naomi passed, I would just run to my moms closet (it is big and open) and I would throw myself on the ground and just scream and cry and yell out my little girls name. I would look up at the ceiling in the closet and I would slap myself, hoping this was all just a horrible, horrible dream/nightmare. I was hoping I would wake up. I remember at night waking up and just screaming and crying and going into my moms room on her side and waking her up just to be held while screaming Naomi's name.

All of it came flooding back. Her birthday is right around the corner. Within a month and a half, I would have a two year old. That was born 12 weeks early, too early. I wonder what she would be doing at her age, but as a preeemie. Would she be talking somewhat? Would she be walking? Would she be far behind? I remember going into the hospital/nicu one more time to ask to see her again, but they had said the funeral home came and picked her up already. Oh my heart and stomach ACHE. When will I ever see my little angel again? I then ran to go and feed Sadie, and I cried somemore. I just hugged her tighly and looked into her eyes and said I miss your sister. I felt bad, because, I highly doubt that if Naomi were here, Sadie wouldnt be. I wish they can both me here.

~*~~*
I started watching my nephew on a new schedule starting today again, instead of the usual 9 to 3, she needs more hours. It is too much on her. She is 22, I do love my sister, but sometimes, I get very annoyed, lately I have. She is married, and has not one but THREE dogs, might as well as call them her children as well. She has ALWAYS been an animal lover, never a child person. She never took care of one or babysat, and here having this little boy, has really taken a toll on her. She does have an illness, which I feel so awful about, has had her trouble years and years ago with it, meds have helped but with just having him and the stress and hard work it is with him, its bringing it back out again. And my mom eplained to me she needs that break (used to be just two days) or she will go back downhill again.

So, she asked if I can watch him logner of a day, 8 am to 5 pm with a little more pay. I was upset over the pay, because she can welly afford it. But, I have come to be thankful, that she is able to help me out and I am able to help her out. The oney I am getting is better than I was before, which was 0 income. I just need to learn to start PUTTING it away. Money BURNS ME. I see that I have any amount and I will go and spend every cent of it. I do not know how to save. Its sad, and I wouldnt have been in this position if I had learned to save when I was a nanny. From my texas in 09, I made $24,000. And not a PENNY was saved. I could cry over that. But whats done is done. And i have to start fresh. Instead of math class in highschool, I wish they had a learn to save money and how to do your checking and write bills and what not. It makes a hell of a lot more sense, doesn't it?

Well, I guess today the stress of just knowing I would have a longer day, has got to me. They both took an hr nap from 9:30-10:30, although I had to lay with Sadie on mommy so she would nap. They both woke up and I thought, I am going to be supermom and try and take them out to the mall since I had to pick up Sadie's EXPENSENVIE NEVER AGANI Glamour Shots. I thought let me make two bottles, have them changed and put them both in the car. And off we went.

I got a lot of looks and comments on them. Some thought they were twins, I laughed, I said no, I could have tho, but the difference in size with them, is kinda funny. But I said one in my nephew and the other is mine. So we ran to pick up the pictures, I had seen before, but couldn't until I paid them off. Then since Starbucks was inside the mall (thank God) I thought, since I am having a longer day (until 5pm) I will need a jolt. So I got an iced white mocha. It was quite yummy!

I thought also lets take them over to the Rainforest Cafe and let them see the fishies in the huge fishtank and look around there. We did that and I took a walk around the mall. Then these new flipflops I had gotten from target that were #13 started to make a horrible scab on my foot. I was in so much pain I so did not want to take it off but I ended up taking it off and throwing it in the garbage. Yes, I was pushing the running stroller and walking with one foot barefoot and the other with the shoe on. I had to run to a shoe store and rememebred that there was one near where I ahd parked. So I was glancy quickly becasue both babies were getting antsy and I knew it was time for their nap. I thought hte prices were a bit high and I just wanted a plain flip flop that wouldnt cost me over $20. Since I was in a rush I didnt just wanna pick any old shoe. I finally found I pair, just plain black ones. I waited in line and my nephew started to fuss, couldn't find the rattle so then I strung out my keys.

Jingle jangle jingle while in line. These two spanish girls were yappin away with the cashier I was like come on already, (in my head). Then i was CLEARLY the next person in line and this girl BEHIND me goes right up to the register in front of me. I am standing there and was like ARE YOU SERIOUS? So then he starts ringing her up then looks at me and says werent you next? I said UM YEAH, I really gotta go and pointed, at my nephew. So he then rung me up instead. And the one spanish girls friend (the one that cutted me) was giving me glares. Um YOUR FRIEND WENT IN FRONT OF ME. Shoot. Made my nerves shot.

So its almost 3 pm and I am having a difficult day. I think all of this stress is taking its toll on me and I am just having an emotional day. Let ie be 5 o clock, soon please.

Martinis & Monogram Party & more!

These last few days, have been filled with fun I would say, & what mom doesn't need some fun in her life!? Thursday night I went to Gatsbys which is a local pool hall/bar about 15 minutes from where I live. My best friend invited me to go with her and her coworker. They don't go there though until 11pm because that is both when they get out of work (Starbucks!), which is my bedtime by the way. With miss Sadie, I am pretty much out (in bed) by then! But since I knew my mom was going to stay in my room and sleep while she slept, I took a nap before hand so I had somewhat energy. My best friend picked me up, we drove to her house and then her coworker came to get us. I have hung out with them a few times before, and it was a nice treat to get to go out. They were talking about their customers such, I feel so bad, I would have quit the first day if i ever worked there. My best friend always is texting me from work saying how she hates it and some customers just make her want to cry. People and their coffee make is SO hard and are so rude to her. Its unbelieable. People are so serious about their coffee.

Well I had 2-3 half priced martinis and because my best friend never had a "long island" I decided to order one, BAD MISTAKE. I should have known. I slurped that down pretty fast. I NEVER rarely drink, now that I have my little one, and I was never a "partier, club goes either" yet I am 23. Just was never my thing. But here and there, I like to have a few drinks. I got in about 230/3. The next day I was pretty not feeling well, but around 5/6pm I woke up from a nap with Sadie and I felt SO SO sick. Worse than before. My mom and sister went for a walk and I was with Sadie in her walker and I had a POUNDING headache and I felt just SO sick. I thought I was going to die. I immeditately ran to the bathroom and I started throwing up. This was a day after everything. Never had that happened. I had to call my mom to come home to be with Sadie, I just felt beyond awful. I threw up another time and finally my headache subsided a few hrs later. My mom put Sadie to bed and I was eventually able to go to bed as well later. It is now Saturday night and I still am feeling queasy, I have never felt like this for so long. Lesson learned.

Fast forward to today, I decided to go for a walk, not my usual walk/run because I just still felt plain awful, I almost turned around to go back home but I thought let me walk maybe sweating some bit will help. So I got ahold of my friend's mom Lauren, and told her I was on a walk and if I could swing by. I met this mom (a mom of a guy I knew in 9th grade) and we had got reconnected through facebook and well she knew I would take walks around 5 or so and she lives down the other end of where I live, about 25 minutes walking distance, but 2 mins driving distance I would say, I would always try and catch her but by the time she was home from work it was dark and I dont walk in the dark alone with Sadiekins :) But we met up finally and I hadnt seen her in 8 years, but I thought it was going to be weird but it wasn't. She is so nice, we talkled a bit, and she gave Sadie this little pink and purplre doggy. Just the perfect size for her! I had a nice little time with ehr and off I went on home!

Tonight, I was invited to a martini and monogram party, hosted by my friend Kalie. I almost didn't go but I am glad I did. I had no idea what it was really but I decided to go and find out. The woman that had organized it or that does it was so very sweet, and very pretty. Looked like someone that I could get along with! Immeditaely everyone was interested in Sadie and said how pretty she was. Made me smile. Then, the million $ question was asked, the common one, like what is my name? No, the question was "IS THIS YOUR FIRST?" I swear. I cannot go anywhere without it being asked. I simply said, no, and explained my firstborn was born at 28 weeks ..yada yada yada. Well she then aplogized and I had asked about her children (she said she had two). And one is a 5 yr old and the other is an almsot 2 yr old. I immediately thought, I would have an almost 2 yr old as well. I said when's her birthday? She said "April 09". I go oh yeah? I said the date? She said April 21st. I mmediately thought in my head, "6 days later, I had my sweet Naomi, 12 weeks too early". I told her Naomi was born then too. I tried so hard to keep myself from crying. Here I am holding her sister yet I still wanted to burst out crying.

Well, the rest of the night was very nice. They had little snacks and chocolate chip cookies, I nibbled on a cookie, and watched as they had their "martinis". I so did NOT want one for once. I wouldn't even have one tho even if I didn't feel good, because I had Sadie with me and I was driving. As I write this, I still feel quite nauseated, I don't know why this is going on for so long. :(

I then left around 830 because I wanted to keep Sadie's bedtime sorta, and she was fussing anyways. I was excited, I purchased (not so much on my budget but on my "wish list" was a diaper bag type thing. I choose a design that was pretty bright and full of colors. I have wanted a new one, because the one that I had, my mom bought for me, its nice, but its brown and green, sorta sick of it, not too girly, and I would like a new one! So I will be recieving that in 2-3 weeks! The woman asked if I found it interesting, and if I would maybe want to learn more about it, she was a teacher for 6 years, still has her teaching degree, but with what she does now, she makes her own schedule, she can still be with her kids, and it works. I don't know if I would be interested or not, but I hear alot of moms are doing it. It wouldn't hur to take a look!?

Monday, morning, I have a hair apt, I am going to be a "model" again for my friend who is at the hair school, Aveda. She asked me 2 weeks ago or so if I would like to be her model and I said sure of course! Heck, its free, and I love getting pampered, who doesn't!? I am SO excited. I am thinking of getting my blonde highlights back. She wants to give em long layers, but I have semi short hair already and I wanna grow it back out again. We shall see, I definitely like change! My mom agreed to watch Sadie for a couple hrs, when I go there and am a model, it takes some time. But this may be her graduate exam, I am not too sure, so hopefully it will not be too long and be timed!? I also heard she will do my makeup as well! Super excited!

By the way, can any of you share makeup or hair styling tips on what YOU do? I am new sorta to the learning of applying makeup and doing hair somewhat and I need HELP! :) I feel embarassed to ask, being 23, I should know. I don't put makeup on much unless I am going to something special. But I would like to just do basic makeup daily, so I do not look ovely sleep deprived and looking like a ghost! :)

ABC Game!

The ABC Game

A-Age: 23.5 (Yes, I just said that :)

B-Bed Size: Twin, I like the smallness of it, perfect, I am not a big bed type person, that may change later on in life.

C-Chore you hate: constantly picking up German Shep hair off the dang floor! And once my little girl starts to be crawling, this floor will be CONSTANTLY groomed for dog haira nd any baby chokers! Ah

D-Dogs: German Sheperd, its our family dog, my mom wants another little dog to have around, I say, NO! ;)

E-Essential start to your day: My Sadie girl who wakes up now on a daily basis between 7 and 7:30 am :)

F-Favorite Color: pink :)

G-Gold or Silver: silver.

H-Height: 5' 1" , short and petite :)

I-Instruments you play: none, wish I stuck with something in school, and wish I had time and patience to learn piano since my mom has one at home and always wanted one of us to play it, maybe one of her grandkiddies will pick that up! ;)

J-Job title: Stay at home mama and in August, a part time student! (AHHHH, nerves!)

K-Kids: two, my angel Naomi, almost would be 2, who continues to watch over mommy and her sissy up in Heaven, and my earth angel Sadie who is just about 6 months old.

L-Live: I live where you vacation :)

M-My mom's name: Denise (her brother and sister are also D's, and all of us (siblings, are all J's!)

N-Nickname: supermom, Jillian, jillybean

O-Overnight hospital stay: When I had both my daughters, and I also stayed overnight several times during the pregnancy of my Sadie, to make sure I could stay as long as possible safely pregnant with her!

P-Pet Peeve: No signals on when turning, my family shutting the bathroom door so loudly (when I know to turn it quietly when my little girl is sleeping or napping), I am sure there are more, cant think right now.

Q-Quote from a movie: "I cant believe you aren't so terrbily pissed." "Pissed miss?"-It Takes Two, all tiem favorite childhood movie! I must have watched it 3000 times. I know the whole movie.

R-Right/Lefty: I am a LEFTY!

S-Sibling: 3, I am the oldest out of us all. Johanna, 22, Janine, 15, Jack 13 (on St Patty's Day!)

T-Time you wake up: 7/730 is my alarm; Sadie !

U-Underwear: shorts kind, from charolutte russe!

V-Veggies you dislike: carrots! Otherwise, I like most veggies I think!

W-What makes you run late: Blame it on the baby! :)

X-Xrays you've had: dental xrays and xrays from when I had my daughters, I was quite sick.

Y-Yummy food you make: Asparagus and yummy desserts! Aka pumpkin roll and Key Lime Cupcakes I just made for my dad's birthday.

Z-Zoo animal: Elephants and sea otters!

Motherhood .....:)

I have always dreamed of having my own someday. Never, had I dreamed it would be like this, and in my current situation, but, I wouldn't change it for the world. I absolutely LOVE being a mother. I am a mother of two, one here on earth and another in Heaven. On April 27, 2009, I was made a mother, and noone or anyone can change that.

And, on September 16, 2010, I was the mother of two little girls. Still, til this day, I get comments like, now that I am a new mommy, and stuff like that, it kills me. I hate it. I just want to yell. I was a mother back in 2009, to my little Naomi. And forever will be. Why do people have to say or think otherwise? Ive read a few comments on facebook to my dear friends, and about becoming a new mommy, yet they have ALWAYS been mamas since the day their babies were born, who are now in Heaven. It irks me, I don't say anything, but I should. I stay quiet. I guess, they just do not know.

Motherhood, is VERY demanding, challenging, TIRING, rewarding, exciting, and full of so much more. I love every single minute of it. I remember the first few days after having Sadie, I was BEYOND EXHAUSTED. Pregnancy exhaustion does not compare (to me) to the first few days after having had Sadie. With pumping, visitors, nonstop texts and calls, and nurses, and meals, I RARELY got any sleep. My eyes looked so black under neath and I looked like I was in a fight. I hadn't been so tired in my life. I just wanted to catch a few minutes of sleep. Even my mom had said I can give Sadie to the nursery, I just felt like I would be a bad mother if I did that especially after all I went through and what I CRAVED. But I was able to do so for an hr or so and catch a little sleep. I remember one night, my mom came by after her shift was over and she was walking in with a friend of mine, at 11 pm. I literally cried, I said to my mom that I am SOOOOO tired. She then had to send her out, I just needed that sleep. Now, that I think about it, I would do it all over again. It is no walk in the park, but I truely love it. ButIt gets me mad because some of my "friends" from highschool, have one or are going on two, or have two and are adding more, and I still see that they are constantly going out, wanting to party, that do not want to leave that life behind. I am sorry, but it is not about you anymore, its about your children. YES, do not get me wrong, we as parents do need our time too, but not every single day and night and leaving them with sitters WHOEVER would take them. That in my view, is just not right parenting. I rarely get out, nor do I ask to go out. I am fine with staying home, or visiting my best friend at her place with Sadie, taking her out to dinner and what not, I enjoy it. I wanna be with my daughter. Ever since losing Naomi, I wanted it all. Yes I hold her alot, some say she may be spoiled, I don't care. Let me see you go through a loss like I have and not expect to want to love and kiss on your baby that you now have?

Things still FLASH through my mind where I will see myself going in her room to check on her and I find her dead. I don't know why, I hate it. Yet, because I am a parent of loss, and have read so many stories and then some, I see all what can go wrong even after the birth of a baby. It is my WORST nightmare. Or I picture, someone breaking in, and I scream yelling not to touch my baby, and I vision them doing the unthinkable. I cry alot at night because of it. I don't think it will ever stop. My mind is forever scarred. :( I wish it weren't.

I just am in awe, at how fast the little ones change, and grow. I already see alot of Sadie's personality and how fast she is growing. She is still on the little short side to me, but is getting heavy! She is my little weight lifter! Yet, she is all very porportioned and I just love watching her grow.The other day I was at the mall with my friend walking around and Sadie kept smiling at me, and my friend said that she can see the love in her eyes when she looks at me. That just melted my heart and made my day. I even remember my mom telling me on the phone this weekend when they were on their way to the keys, that her and my dad were talking about the beautiful care I take of Sadie. That made me smile. I have always had love for children and yet my own, I just am so lucky to be able to be a mother and experience it all.

NOT so Marvelous Monday, and then some

Its been some time since I had blogged, and let me tell you did I miss it. Our internet was down for a few days and finally got up and working last night, but I was too tired too blog about anything!

Fast forward to today, 3pm, and I JUST got miss monster down for her FIRST name of the day. Yes. I babysit my nephew from 9 am to 3 pm, and well today, they both were at it. I thought, what the heck is in the drinking water because it was odd for them both to be not having such a great day. But, just like us big people, we have our days as well!

I usually try and hold out one or the other a bit, to tie their naps together, so mama can have her own time, usually doing dishes or laundary or picking up after my family. Heck, a clean home is a happy home, right?

Well, I was able to get my nephew down, Sadie, just SCREAMED AND SCREAMED as if she were being tortured poor little thing. I let her a few minutes, but then went to rescue her and tried and tried for an hr. I was quite frustrated and had to cool off outside for a minute, because I was losing it. :( Eventually, my nephew woke up. So as he did, I through on my jogging clothes and shoes, changed Jimmy and made bottles, and went on a MUCH needed long hr of a walk/jog. They liked the fresh air, I had my tunes blaring and it helped relieve some stress. Of course, Sadie fell asleep HALFWAY into the walk and woke up when we got home. But thats okay, I took it.

Lets see, other tidbit randomness of my life: My best friend had got me $100 gift certificate to Glamour Shots in the middle of our local mall for Christmas. She knew I had been so upset that I did not get newborn pics, and didn't really have the money to get pics done. I was so happy yet I put it off and off. There was probably a reason for that! If only I knew. I finally made the appointment for 12, on Saturday. They told me to bring 3-4 different outfits. I was excited! They then had called to change the apt time from 12 to 1. I was a bit bummed because she had napped perfectly from 10:30 to 11:30 that morning and I thought she would do well at 12.

Well, we got there, and let me tell you, she was NOT having it. The photographer was a girl, and usually she does fine with woman, (its men she gets scared from). But this woman just did something to her (view wise) and she didn't like it. She SCREAMED and screamed. I laid her down she was not happy. We got a few shots of her in between crying. WE took severeal breaks. Then, finally they thought, lets get mama in the picture. And before, I had said no, because I only wanted her, and I didnt have extra money for my hair and makeup. Well they slid me in for free :). I admit it was so nice to get my makeup done and hair and I felt pamepred. I never had airbrush make up before, so that was a first!

So, I was able to hold her a bit and she still wasn't too happy but we got a few nice ones. They asked me to bring in anything that was her favorite, but since she is only 5.5 months old, she doesn't have anything just yet, but I did bring in a picture of Naomi. They all at first, thought it was her as a baby. I said no & explained briefly. Then towards the end of Sadie's fiasco (yet never got to change outfits :() the photop, set up a BEAUTIFUl display, she had Naomi's picture with pink rose petals around it and a pink butterfly standing on the picture. Let me tell you, I started to cry. And of course, Sadie was not having it either. She kept screaming. Poor little thing!

Well, at the end when it was time to pick and choose pictures, I got it down to about 15 I liked. The price you ask? OVER 2 grand. Yup. So not happening. I was shocked. So she asked if that was in my budget. No, not even CLOSE. So we tried to narrow down more, she got it to about half, of that. Still not good enough. Finally, she got it to $500 something. I took it. I still do not have that money on me. But, it was allowed 4 printable pictures and 4 other ones. I REALLY hope that included the collage on DVD. It made me cry. The pictures were beautiful and the song they choose was "in my daugherters eyes" and just the ones with Sadie & Naomi's picture, I started to cry. They handed me tissues.

So, I was able to pay $180, but they did want half. I explained, I did not have that in my account, I even SHOWED her. But I told her I do babysit, so if I could bring some more of the money in this week, and she gladly said sure. They had no other choice,I just did NOT have that on me. I am quite upset, for spending that much money, I had a friend that emailed me on FB that said she does pictures and would do them for $80 and I would get all of them. Should have went that way. Oh well.

But I must say, I am quite excited to have them and will be showing them off as soon as I get them!