Sunday, January 2, 2011
Sorry about the one little picture and nothing written before! I was on my way to blog then I got interuppted by my friend, at the door to go have an early lunch with Sadie & I before mama's big night out. Which I was counting down sense early December for! I love love love being with Sadie, dont get me wrong, but I think every mama needs a day or few hours to themselves. And after 3.5 months, and it being New Years, I thought let me ask my mom if she can babysit, (I NEVER ask!) and she gladly accepted. Mama had a grand time with her friends. My mom has been amazing, I can't thank her enough! I even took over at 3 am (even from a few drinks, but sobered up before coming home). I am told by my sister, I am a super mom! She doesn't know how I do it. And I am even doing it pretty much on my own. Its not easym but I love every minute of it!
So it being a new year and all, this year is MY year. My year to shine! I have so much I want to accomplish and be able to do. I am scared, very scared. I think about it all and I get overwhelmed. I will be attending school in the next few months, for what you may ask? I am not so sure. But it has to be SOMETHING to where I can support both my daughter and I. I am 23, and will be 24 this year-STILL living at home. Well moved back home from being in an abusive marriage, so I did get a taste of being out on my own I would say. I think about it though alot, will I be out of here BEFORE my 15 yr old sister graduates highschool!? I worry about that. But I could be alot worse, I could be stuck with nowhere to go. I am so lucky my parents took me in. I owe them alot.
I worry, when or where or who I will be putting Sadie with for daydare or to watch while mommy goes to school. Or will I be able to find something online school wise that I can do it from home and be able to watch Sadie as well as do schooling? I am with her 24/7 and just th thought of her being gone or with someone other than family FREAKS ME OUT! I try not to think about it but I just have to, its reality and its coming up QUICK! I have to set and make plans for this year for myself & miss Sadie. Make goals and REACH them. I dont even own my own car. Never have. I am 23. I would SO love to work towards saving up to get a decent car for myself. I also would like to learn to SAVE period. Since I was 15, I have always been horrible with money. Why didn't they have something like that in highschool? If it wasn't for me spending every cent from when I was a nanny for 16 months, I wouldnt be here at my parents house. I made $500 every week, some good money for what I did, and every single cent was spent. Clothes, on hy husband and his family (wish I never did), my sister & her friends, I was always offering to pay for dinners and lunches, getting hair and nails done, I thought I had it made. WRONG. And now I look back, all that money and hard work down the drain.
Now I have got to start over again. Its okay. I can do it. I have to. I could have had my own car by now, my own little place. Just gotta go FORWARD from here. I wouldn't have to depend on my $$$$ that I have got from taxes and that be it. I am worried. But I am here with my family but I do NOT Want to depend on them anymore. Yet I sitll have to for a little while until I pick up things. I am scared I wont be able to do it all, juggling school & work, and Sadie and other things. I worry, will i ever find a good man? Someone that someday Sadie can call Daddy? It hurts. I want her to have that in her life, but for now, mommy has to worry about her and I, working on getting mommy back up on her own, that can come later.
So my goals for this year are:
1. Complete some schooling, whatever it may be, and work hard. Study hard. GIVE IT MY ALL.
2. Learn to SAVE $$, learn that not every $ in my bank account does not have to be spend just because "I have it".
3. Learn to say No. "No" as in I cannot buy my friends dinners or lunches anymore. I am a single mom, I just cannot afford it with NO money coming in. Learn that they will understand.
4. I would LOVE to learn to cook a few meals or dishes. I have conquered baking for the most part this last half of the year. I need to learn to cook for Sadie & I someday, healthy meals that is!
5. Put away money for a car. My very first car.
6. Exercise & stay healthy. Yes everyone says that, but I mean it. I would love to be able to at least take daily walks or runs with Sadie in the stroller or every other day as I can, and trim down and just be healthy for hersake & mine.
7. Start to work on Sadie's photo album and get that going! (How to pick and pring so many of her pictures!)
8. To work on my relationship with my father, sisters & brother. Since middle school my relationship with my father hasnt been the greatest. Yet I admit hes been such a great father, I am very lucky to have. I just dont know how to form a relationship with him and I need to work on that. He is quite close with my 2 sisters and brother, I have always seemed to push him away. And my siblings I would like to form more of a bond with them.
9. BLOG MORE & LEARN TO ADD & REARRANGE MY BLOG!!! (any help is GREATLY appreciated)
If I can think of anything else, I will add! But I think that is quite a hefty list there! I will come back and relook at this in 3 months or so and see where I am on each one of these!
I am excited and hoping for a great year! This year Sadie will have all of her firsts, well some of them and I just am hoping I can be around to see and catch them.
Hope you all have a safe & wonderful New Year. Heres to 2011!