ABC..I AM A STUDENT!

Yes! Its official! I am now a student! I am going for Medical Assisting. It is a 10 month program, if all goes well I will graduate in June! I started my first day of class on Monday.

So far so good. But the damn teacher put the wrong schedule on the paper when we went to register. My mom made her nursing schedule compared to that and took of Tues/Wed/Thurs so when I am in class from 8 to 3:30 she can watch my little Sadie girl. And Monday and Fridays would be online. I come to class the first day and we are doing CORE until September 8 and then that is when Medical Assisting really starts. That schedule will be for that but until then I am not really in class only next Monday and Thursday for lab. But we managed this Monday with my dad watching her part day and my sister the other. We will manage!

Come late November/Early December, I will have clinicals. Monday and Tuesday are clinicals, Wednesday and Thursday in classroom and Friday online! SO I will have a full schedule! This is all new to me since I havent been in school for 4/5 years! Getting back in the grove of learning to study and do assignments! Yikes! but all with an 11 month old who keeps me VERY VERY busy. I dont know how I will do it all but I HAVE NO CHOICE. I want to get out of here SOMEDAY and be able to support myself and my little girl!

So If I am MIA for a bit, that is why. I am officially a student and I couldnt be more happier!

Have you donated to the March of Dimes this year? Have you been out to your local places to help support your local teams!? Time and the days are dwindling and before I know it, it will be time for our fundraiser! I am so very excited, that our team, Spider's Hope, so far has raised $4,800+! I cannot believe it. And we have still have our fundraiser! This is the 2nd year in a row I have participated in the March of Dimes walk for my sweet Naomi. I will be walking with my dear friend Holly whom I met through the preeclampsia forums and we teamed up and have a team of over 20 people walking with us on Saturday, April 30th. Our fundraiser is on the 16th, next Saturday. We have SO many awesome prizes to raffle off, I am so siked! It will be at a local irish pub and restraunt and her boyfriend will be performing in one of the bands that night. So now, we are trying to get everyone out to help support our team and the MOD! I am excited for that night, my mom will be watching Sadie, and my best friend took off work and she will helps us sell raffle tickets and get people to doante as well!

So, I think my sweet little girlie, has been teething. Isn't drooling or any of that, but I have noticed she has been more cranky and is starting to knaw on things and what not. I keep thinking how weird yet cute it will be to see her with teethers in there! She is also found that when she hits the water, she can make water go everywhere! That is a new thing she is doing, started in the pool and then into the bathtub. I was able to get a mini video of it, I will have to figure out how to post on here to view! Its so cute! She also, has this thing where she put her feet in her mouth, in the bathtub and even when I feed her baby food. After bites she will stick her feet in her mouth, its too darn funny!

The other night, my friend Kylee came over who I hadn't really hung out with in a good while, yet is a sweet friend of mine. I met her at the eating disorder clinic we both stayed at (inpatient) back almost 6 years ago. I can't believe its been that long sicne we were there. We both have grown so much and are alot better, glad to report that! We ended up buying Sangria and cheese cubes and renting Toy Story 3! She came over, both babies were down and we had a great night! I am not much for cartoon type movies, but, how can you say no to Toy Story 3? (I have to admit, I see in THREE times in the theatres, I just loved it!) But my mom and sister didn't think it was that great, perferred the others!?

Remember when I mentioned about starting school again? Well, I had taken a test called the TABE test at the technical school I will be going to, its to see what areas I will need help in. I passed the math part (HUGE surprise, I am horrible) and the language arts I did as well. I need a higher score in the reading. So I was able to be set up with online mediation classes which is a huge help, because I didnt want to have to go in the classroom (ie having to find someone to watch Sadiekins!). So well, I have to spend 12 hrs a week doing that and when I am finished, I email the teacher and she will set me up to reschedule just the reading portion. I have always had trouble with the comprehension. But I came across this one question, and I immediately went to another place. (in my head). The word "antidote" I had heard once before. That was when I was in the NICU with the head DR discussing medicines and whatnot for my sweet , oh so sick sick baby girl Naomi Hope. Ugh. I remember her explaining she was on the phone with posion control trying to find a medicine that will help and work on my little girlie. I swear, I always find something, that reminds me of things reguarding her and what happened.

Have you ever heard or seen the "new thing?" Its called OPI Shatter. Its this black nail polish that you paint over any dry nail color on your nails and it becomes crackled type or "shattered" as glass would sorta look. I had never before heard or seen it until, one of the bloggers that I follow had wrote a blog about it and I thought that it was so neat! I seen another friend of mine that I know from highschool bought it, and I asked her where she purchased it from. I went out the other day with the babies, JUST to purchase it, but not for me, for my best friend. (I always am thinking of others, thats probably why my money goes down the drain :() but I would do anything for this girl, as she IS my best friend and has been there since I was abut 25 weeks pregnant with my dear Naomi and has helped me tremdendously through my grief and hard times. She knows I cant afford much and is always taking me out and stuff, I try to do things for her as well! The salon in JCPenny's where my friend said she purchased it at didn't have any more. So I ran to two others stores where I was told to and FINALLY I saw they had it. I would have been mad if I took both the babies out for that. But I was determined.

I told my best friend about it a while ago but she didnt know about it. I was surprised because she is ALWAYS painting her nails and toes , does a beautiful job. Has a huge collection of nail polish. So, I am surprising her with this. I am excited to give to her. I almost bought one myself, but they aren't that cheap for a bottle of nail polish, $9 and some change. But , I know it will go to good use with her. I just hope she likes it. I am sure she will think its neat, heck, I do! And my sister who is 15, says everyone in highschool has it. I wouldn't wear it every day type thing, but just for occasion. I don't see my best friend minding, but I tried it on me, and I think its neat! She will be coming over tonight once the babies are down and we are going to have some wine and cheese! (I happened to tell her about my night with my friend Kylee that she knows so she suggested her and I do the same after she gets off work!) So I am looking forward to that and surprising her with the nail polish! I told her to bring her nail polish over because I wanted a new color, but I just said that as a cover up. I am hoping she will wanna do her nails tonight too and she can test it out on her!

Would write more but, the babies just got up from their naps, so SUPERMOM duties await me! ta ta for now! :)

Thoughts for Thursday or Thursday's Thoughts...

Hmmm..where shall I start?

There are a few things I needed to blog about and I had jotted some markers down. I must hurry, but it feels good to get it off and on here. Weather or not anyone reads or comments, just something about writing, is good therapy! That is for sure!

I guess I will start with my first topic I jotted down. Ever heard of a "mommy makeover"? Well, a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and she is all set. I had been asked few weeks ago if I would watch my nephew for 2 weeks for x amount of money. I thought, hmm, why? Well my sister, is getting the "mommy makeover" aka plastic surgery. I call it that, because that is what the name of her surgery is, my mom told me that today. (picture smoke coming out of my head then). I agreed to it, because I need the money, its a good amount, yet I still think I should and VERY well could be paid more. Whatever. I figure this will be the last time and she will stick him in daycare. I watch him anyways 4 days a week from 8 to 5, (hours changed, she needs more hours AWAY from him) (last time I checked, parenting is 24/7). Well so starting Monday, the 28th, I will have him over for two weeks, due to her not being able to lift, he is 23 lbs. Her husband will take him his off days wed & thurs. He is off tuesday but my sister said if I can take him so "he can have his off day" ha. Wow. So, I will be most likely pulling out my hairs by the end of the day I am sure, but its worth it. I heard my mom on the phone today with her doctor asking some questions. I thought she is just getting a tummy tuck, WRONG. She is geting a breast lift and her arms done as well. I was FLOORED. I was fuming when I heard that. She has all this money to shell out for that, but cant pay me well? Hmm. I am done with it. I am done. When she was younger, she gained a LOT of weight, over 200+ lbs, and well has the band now, and well from the loss there is still skin there. She looks good to me, but I have never seen under neath. Well, do I wish I can nip and tuck in some places too. She always expresses how thankful she is to me for everything I do and says she can never do it, yet I am not shown it. She knows how deep in the whole money wise I am, why not try helping me more? I better yap my trap and be thankful I am getting some cash flow my way.

Earlier today, my mom and I and Sadie went to this school apt I had. I walked in and it looked somewhat familar. I thought why does this look familar. I forgot, I went there for llike 2 weeks for some highschool classes or something but left. Memories. Well, we got in and started talking to the counselor I was going to get my test results. Plans out, that my mom read the wrong schools website about there being a blended program starting AUGUST. This school we were at started in April. Well if I had done what I was supposed to way back in January, I would have been able to start in April. Oh well. I orginially took my test to see what areas I need help in at the schol that will be starting my program in August. Yet my mom thought she saw it at the school we were at on their site. So I will be starting school for medical assisting in August. Wait, did I just type that!?! WOW. I am anxious and excited all at the same time. I am SO very thankful. The online part will be Mondays and Fridays and then tues-thurs 8 am to 3:30 in the classroom. My mom said she will fix her nursing schedule from work so that she can be home those days to watch Sadie for me. I am truely BLESSED. It will be hard to leave her but yet I need to get going on my education so I can make that money and be able to support her and I on my own one day!

We left there and went to drop off Sadie's things that she had outgrown. Her babyswing (tear!) her glider thingy that she eventually slept in for most of the night that I was so happy about! and a big bin of some of her clothing! It is a place called "Respect Life". My mom had told me that is where she took Naomi's things after she died, when she knew I would not want or oculd not see any of it around the house when I were to come home from that horrible horrible day. As we were leaving, I thought of Naomi and just sighed. And I happened to look up watching as my mom backed up and out from behind the house/business comes an orange and red butterfly, flutters up for a minte and flutters away. My mouth dropped. Tell me that wasn't a sign? And I even come home from our errands and I see Naomi's video on the screeen playing on the computer. She is here, she is with me always.

I have had this on my mind for quite some time, I may have written about it, but I don't remember. I know, personally, 4 friends that are all pregnant pretty much around the same week. I went to highschool with all of them. Two of them are going on their second and two of them are going to be first time parents. Well, all goes well, they will. I keep seeing updated "belly shots" and exciteing comments and what not all over facebook. They are all about 12 weeks. One commented how "she is past the dreaded 12 weeks". I just want to scream. Yes, that is a great time to pass, but yet, I know ALL too well, the many problems that can go wrong. AND OF COURSE I DO NOT WANT OR WISH ANYTHING TO GO WRONG. That I must point out strongly. Not even on my worst eneny would I. I just think back to me, my first pregnancy, how naive I was. I remember going to the hospital tour at like 17/19 weeks and being so excited, they all thought how early I was to be there. I remmeber going past the NICU and I didnt even walk up there because I thought "I won't need that". Well....look what happened. Yes, all of them know my story. I am trying to hard to put out preeclampsia, and their website. I was never informed about it and how serious it was. I know that not only can preeclampsia happen, but alot of other things. They are all talking about babys showers and this and that, of course, it should be a happy time. I was robbed. I will never look at pregnancy the same, ever again, Yes my sweet baby girl is here with me, but I just cant. My body failed me, TWICE. Yet, I am so blessed to have Sadie home and safe and sound with me. I just hope and pray they all are able to bring home a baby. I am only trying to look out for them.

LOL Smiley Face....eh not so much

I don't know what came over me but I am sad. I feel down. Yet, I should be the happiest girl in the world. I have my sweet Sadie here with me. Don't get me wrong I am SO very thankful and happy she is here with me.

I wanna take a guess at where it all came from all of a sudden. I guess I feel like I should be doing more. Every day seems like the same old day and routine pretty much. I just feel blah. I feel like I should be doing more, A LOT more. Every day, I get up with Sadie, go for our walks, watch tv sometimes, visit a friend or two, go to the mall and explore and what not. I'll do laundary and dishes, help around the house, do some cleaning. Something is just missing.

I need a plan, I need to plan for our future. Me not knowing what to do or where to go, is getting me down, big time. I need to fix this.

My mom got off the phone with my sister before I was leaving to go out to finish an art piece that I didn't get to finish 2 weeks ago so she said she would take baby Sadie for an hr or two so I can finish it. Looks like, my sister will be needing my help. Supermom will be back in action. I used to watch my nephew once a week for the day. But now, it looks like it will be 5 times a week, Monday through Friday, from 9 to 3. She needs help. She isn't on her own, she is married, is not living at home, and is 22. She also has THREE crazy dogs. She has never been one for chldren, but started a family of her own and needs the extra help. It is a bit too much for her, and I understand. She always is telling me she doesnt know how I do it all by myself. Makes me proud, but I have had so much experience since the age of like 12, and it just comes natural to me. I was a nanny for 2, 11 months apart, baby and toddler. I know it all pretty much.

So I can do it. It will help her out and help me out as well. But, what got to me is, the pay. My mom told me she is offering $125 a WEEK for this. Um, slavery much? And she HAS the money. She has it. I don't. So I guess that kind of got me mad and upset, when she should know how much I am struggling with money. I asked my mom, well wait, what about school. (My mom and I spoke a little bit on our walk this morning about school, she suggested doing hair maybe, or she looked up medical assisting, that was some online some in school, she said that she could work her work schedule around and watch Sadie for me when I went in). My mom said well, when school comes around, she will have to find some other arrangement for Jimmy.

I shouldn't complain about the amount, especially because he is a pretty easy baby, but I need money. I have always been a helper, and its made me happy to help others. So I should be and am greatful. Especially because I am wanting to get Sadie's professional pictures done , and I will have some money to put down for the appointment . I just have been doing alot of thinking about the past and wish I hadn't spent all of my hard earned money when I was a nanny. IF I HADNT, I WOULDNT BE IN THIS POSITION. I would be on my own in my own place, possibly have my own car. But I cannot go back. But I do alot, I just wasted all of that money down the drain. Now I have got to work my way back up. I just think of it all at once. I a 23 , still do not have my own car, I want to SO badly be able to pay my own bills (when I have them), pay for insurance, pay for gas, pay for my little girls things and toys and clothing, I want to do it all. I AM SUPERMOM FOR GOODNESS SAKES. I CAN DO THIS.

Well I even just got a phone call while typing this from my mom, she has Sadie and my sister, they will be on their way back from walmart. I will be watching my nephew tomorrow from 9 to 3. My sister NEEDS THAT BREAK. Me? I don't. I got it. I love being with Sadie. My break is pretty much at night when she goes down. I just have to realize I am doing a huge favor for my sister and helpin gher. I just wish she would contact me more to say how am I doing, then just to ask if I can babysit? I think I am more than that.

Sorry about the rambling but I am just hurting now. My 15 yr old sister was holding Sadie today and said how its sad she doesnt have a father. I think that is on my mind too. That is a whole nother post, I may not even post on that because of certain things, but it is hard. Looking at her, I think about that alot. But, he isnt in her life for a VERY GOOD YET SAD AND SICK REASON. I am keeping my daughter safe. I owe her that.

I think alot, how will I ever meet a good guy and possibly father figure for her if I am stuck living at home and barely go out really to meet anyone? But first thought comes to mind, is I have to get ME BACK ON TRACK FIRST. I have to get going in school, I have to worry about my Sadie and I first. The time will come hopefully, when I will be able to meet a guy. I just wish I was given the right path to take, what to go to school for, how to do this and that. Life is hard. I have to figure it out, I feel all on my own. But I have my wonderful family and few close friends and few friends from afar that I know are there 100% and backing me up. I appreciate it so much.

I can and will get there some day. I look at all my friends that are married, have or are renting houses, have babies on the way or already do, NOONE has it perfect. NOONE does. Even tho some may seem like they do, they dont. I have to remember that. I just seem like I want to have it all, because I havent for so long. But, in all honesty, I do. I have Sadie. I just want to be something, I want to be someone, I want to make MORE of myself than ever before. It will NOT be easy. I won't be on facebook chatting and checking up on people like I do now. I will be busy, very busy, I want that. I want to work on building my life, my future for Sadie & I.

I will sit down this weekend and really read on career ideas. I am thinking about what my mother suggested. She thinks I would like medical assisting. That way, I could get my foot somewhat in the door in the medical field. I could work with the kids she suggested or in pediatrics since I LOVE kids. Then, I figure, maybe by the time Sadie is in school, I can then think about returning back to school to go for nursing. I would love to be able to do it, but I just do not know if I have the brains for it all. I guess I dont know until I try? I also thought of the hair school, I dont know much about doing hair, but it would be SO neat to learn it. Who knows. I am praying that someone, maybe Naomi, can send me a sign, of the career path I should choose.

This blog is all ramble jamble, but my mind is always on school/work now and bettering my life for Sadie (money and school wise). Its been time way long ago. I aplogize for the unorganized mess this is. Just needed to write, because I did some crying tonight. Writing surely does help!

ABC & POSITIVITY

I am ready, finally ready to do something about school. For so long, I had been nervous about it and still not wanting to really go back, until about a few short weeks ago. The more I think about it, I am anxious to get things started. BUT, I have a few obstacles I need to figure out that have been on my mind.

A week or two ago, I did go take the TAPE test at a local technical school and I still am needing to go and get my results for them. I need to give the school a call tomorrow morning and get on it. I cannot let that pass without me doing so. I will then go in and talke with a guidance couselor. I am hoping they may be of some help, but yet I just worry and think they will not care and I will be on my own in this.

A few days ago, when I was watching my nephew, my sister called me to see how things were going (um, I am supermom, no need to worry! :) and I said good. We are usually quick to hang up because I just don't ever have much to say to her on the phone, but she ended up asking me about school. (I assume she saw it from on facebook). I said to her briefly I went in and did what I had to do I am just waiting now to get results. She apparently was speaking to our mom and said that both of them think I will not be able to do school or work until Sadie is in school. WHAT!?!?!? I then got off the phone with her and just CRIED. I thought how am I ever going to get out of my parents house? How will I ever meet a guy? How will I ever go on to support my little girl!? My mind was swirling with all these thoughts and questions.

I thought, great. So my dad is pushing me to go and start the things for school, yet my mom and sister think otherwise I cant do it. Thats REAL nice. I know I do not have the money for daycare or to have someone watch Sadie. I KNOW THAT. I do not know what my dad was thinking otherwise. He did tell me to get the ball on the road with school and stuff. So now what am I supposed to do? Today I briefly spoke to my mom about it in the kitchen. I told her, for now, my only option maybe is online schooling? But she told me that is very expensive. NOW WHAT!?

What am I supposed to do? I have like no money for school. Yes there are loans and all that, but seriously, I know NOTHING about how all that works. I don;t even know exactly what I wanna do for school yet either. I had forever wanted to be a teacher, my heart belongs with the kids and that is the only thing I am good at, or so I think. But being in the hospital all these times with Sadie & Naomi, I was watching the OB nurses, and even ultrasound techs and I am very interested in doing something like that. There is always a demand for nurses, right!? But I do not know if I could really do all of that work? I never thought of myself as smart. But yet, I never really put my all into it.

My mom just went back to school and graduated when I was pregnant with Naomi and became a RN. I am so proud of her and she works at the hospital where I delivered Sadie. She has all the books in her room, I have seen them, never cracked them open, I think I would be frigthened. But, I really want to do something for once, I want to be proud of myself, I want to make Sadie proud,I want to make Naomi proud. I want to be able to say I DID IT! So many friends of mine are going back to school and I want to be one of them, so many of them have kids as well, if they can, why can't I?

I have two beautiful girls, I have to do this for.

I just am at a loss of where to go or what to do. I would love to help mommies like I, and be an OB nurse, or I had even seen the ultrasound techs (lord knows I had a LOT of those every few days!) I found it all very interesting. Seeing students come in and be with them, it def caught my eyes. I said to myself once my grandma leaves (she left tonight back to Philly) I will sit down with my parents and discuss things or ideas.

I am scared but yet its a reality and I HAVE to do it. I WANT to do it for once. I am 23, almost 24, in August. Time will NOT stop for me. I know my friends and family will all be there to help me along and support me. They have up and til now, why would they stop now? I want to start planning out my future, our future, Sadie's and mommies future. I see great things ahead!

Thinking about the F.U.T.U.R.E scares me & then some!

** did not tend for this to be all over the place, BUT it helped, get it all out, and ease my mind, just a tad** :)

My sweet Sadie bug surpringly did not cause much trouble for mommy tonight and went to bed pretty easily at 8 pm, I was surprised. Has been down since and it is going on 10:30.

I did my catch up on "facebook" and blogs and I decided..its time. I came over to where I am sitting now and opened my TABE test booklet to see what it was. The other day, I went to Mcfatter, a technical school, to finally go and pay and sign up to take a test, to see what I will need to work on. I had put it away in the back of my mind for far too long and now it was time. I am beyond scared out of my mind to start any type of schooling again, well regular schooling. It has been since 2006, that I have been in school, and, I left school for that matter. I could not really take the whole classroom setting, was shy, but from middle school & now, I have COME A LONG WAY! :)

I always thought, what idiot would go all the way through highschool, in their SENIOR year, and just go out and leave!? Well, that idiot, turned out to be ME. :(. I always look at my 15 yr old sister, and I am not embarassed to admit, but I am jealous of her.Out of my two sisters, she is headed the RIGHT way. She is going to go off to college, she is going to get her own car. Heck I am 23, and I am driving around my parents dare I say it, minivan. I am the soccer mom minivan. Hey, but its a car, it drives, gets me places. I am VERY lucky to have my parents and for them to have bent over backwards YET again so help their daughter. I would do the same. I wish I can turn back time sometimes and do it all over again. But if I did, I wouldn't have my sweet Sadie here with me.

I am not proud of myself one bit, but I can say, I am proud of myself now, from where I become. I got my GED a few months after Naomi passed away. September 11 2009 actually I recieved it. So I have that, and can take that with me to start school.I should have started school a couple months after losing Naomi. But I didn't. I lost my job as a nanny, they just had to let me go, they needed a replacement, and I do not think I could have been back there knowing I was going to take Naomi back with them anyways. I just lingered in bed for months and months, with depression not doing a thing. I could have had gotten a little job, or started one class. I just could not bring myself to do anything.

**side note** I was making pretty good money for not even having my GED then and being a nanny.(Lets say $500 a week) I loved it, I LOVE KIDS. LOVE THEM. They are my world. I worked Monday thru Fri 8am to 6pm, weekends off, had the best job then! (now I say the best job is parenting!) I did NOT (cringe) save a SINGLE penny from that job. And that was my main job for almsot 18 months. I would not be back living at home if I had saved some of that. I spent it . I spent alot of it in my "marriage" (that can be another post some other time), spent money on our dinners, took my sister out and her friends and got them alot of things, always said "i got the check" at dinners with my friends, thinking I had all the money in the world. I didn't. I would get my hair and nails done, and buy clothing. I was NEVER one to know how to budget my money. And I STILL am having trouble. I need help on that. So that is why I am at home, I basically have maybe 2-3 grand from my taxes and that is it. I think HOW in the WORLD am I ever going to get out of here, get my own car and all of these things? I Want to SO badly buy my little girl clothing, and toys and books and all of that. My little girl has MORE of a wardrobe then her mommy does. I laugh at that. I so badly need new clothing. Just a few outfits. But I am dealing with the little clothes I got, I happened to throw out a lot of them. For unknown reasons. I need makeup. I need shoes. But I DEAL with what I got. More importantly, I worry my little girl has all that she needs. Mommy comes 2nd.Its all on my "to do list" but that can wait.:)My parents are helping out with that. It hurts, I cry about it. But I am the only one that can step it up from here. I have a LONG way to go, but I am willing to do whatever it takes to get out of this "financial hole" I am in. **

But I can't say "should have or could have or would have". Its in the PAST. Its done already. Ah, I am changing off subject a bit here, SORRY! The main thing that has been on my mind now is SCHOOl. School. Those 6 very letters just scare me. Yet I KNOW I have to get going now. I have my little one, to support. And I do not, as a 23 year old, want to live with my parents forever. Yet I am scared too, to venture out on my own yet again but with my daughter. I so badly want to make it. I am so thankful for my parents supporting me, espcially after all these years, I have put them through alot.

So, I sat down (as from the beginning of what I was trying to say) and I did the sample testing in the booklet. I managed 24/28 correct. Not bad ey? MATH is the killer. Always has been. I have a test scheduled for Tuesday bright and early at 8 am. I am nervous. Will I bet with students? Nerves are starting as I even type this too. I am going to be okay though. Why? I have an angel, cheering her mommy on, and a beautiful daughter at home that I have to do this for. For both my girls. I want to SO badly make them proud.

I just don't know where Sadie will go after when I go to school and IF I even go to that school. I partly want to find something online that I can do from home, so I can watch her too. I have been with her 24/7 since she was born, the thought of me having to part her makes me sad, but I know I will be able to see her right after. I don't know who would watch her or where the money would come from , but my parents have said they will figure it out. I love them so much, I don't know where I would be without them.

Now, I do not even know what I want to do. CALL ME SCATTERBRAIN. As you can tell my mind is a thousand places all at once. I had always wanted to be a teacher. From the very young age, I have LOVED children. Would play teacher in my room and have my stuffed animals as my "students". Would write on the dry erase board & "talk" to my class. But, that is 4 years of schooling and now, I do not know where the salary lies. I need something within 2 years I would say and something with $$$. Before, I never ever was one for looking at the big pay. But now, NOW I need to. I am a single mother, and I need to be able to support my daughter. It is NOT going to be easy, but so many do it. I can too.

With all of my recent hospital stays with both of my pregnancies, especially with Sadie, I have taken into condieration possibly, dare I say it, being a nurse. A nurse that works with pregnant woman. I have always been a helper & been kind at heart. But, the schooling, the amount of studying, I don't know. I was never a studier. I saw my mom go through it all. She graduated when I was pregnant with Naomi. I remember crying watching her walk, I was so emotional (of course!). She went back to school and did all of this. Studied non stop. Hours and hours and hours. She was one of the top students in her class. GO MOM! She has all of the books in her room, TONS of them. And she would be of so much help I am sure, but I don't even know if I can do it. Id like to think I can?

Maybe an ultrasound tech I thought about too? It looked neat. But then again, I just don't know. Plus, I am afraid, if I tell my mom and dad if thats what I want to do, I feel like they may think I am not capable of it. I am NOT the smartest cookie there is. But, I never really applied myself. So maybe I am smarter than I think?

I just KNOW I've got to do something. I've got to do it for both of my girls, Naomi & Sadie. It's not going to be easy, not one bit, but I've got so many pushing for me and willing to help and root me on. I want to be able to say I DID IT!