I am ready, finally ready to do something about school. For so long, I had been nervous about it and still not wanting to really go back, until about a few short weeks ago. The more I think about it, I am anxious to get things started. BUT, I have a few obstacles I need to figure out that have been on my mind.
A week or two ago, I did go take the TAPE test at a local technical school and I still am needing to go and get my results for them. I need to give the school a call tomorrow morning and get on it. I cannot let that pass without me doing so. I will then go in and talke with a guidance couselor. I am hoping they may be of some help, but yet I just worry and think they will not care and I will be on my own in this.
A few days ago, when I was watching my nephew, my sister called me to see how things were going (um, I am supermom, no need to worry! :) and I said good. We are usually quick to hang up because I just don't ever have much to say to her on the phone, but she ended up asking me about school. (I assume she saw it from on facebook). I said to her briefly I went in and did what I had to do I am just waiting now to get results. She apparently was speaking to our mom and said that both of them think I will not be able to do school or work until Sadie is in school. WHAT!?!?!? I then got off the phone with her and just CRIED. I thought how am I ever going to get out of my parents house? How will I ever meet a guy? How will I ever go on to support my little girl!? My mind was swirling with all these thoughts and questions.
I thought, great. So my dad is pushing me to go and start the things for school, yet my mom and sister think otherwise I cant do it. Thats REAL nice. I know I do not have the money for daycare or to have someone watch Sadie. I KNOW THAT. I do not know what my dad was thinking otherwise. He did tell me to get the ball on the road with school and stuff. So now what am I supposed to do? Today I briefly spoke to my mom about it in the kitchen. I told her, for now, my only option maybe is online schooling? But she told me that is very expensive. NOW WHAT!?
What am I supposed to do? I have like no money for school. Yes there are loans and all that, but seriously, I know NOTHING about how all that works. I don;t even know exactly what I wanna do for school yet either. I had forever wanted to be a teacher, my heart belongs with the kids and that is the only thing I am good at, or so I think. But being in the hospital all these times with Sadie & Naomi, I was watching the OB nurses, and even ultrasound techs and I am very interested in doing something like that. There is always a demand for nurses, right!? But I do not know if I could really do all of that work? I never thought of myself as smart. But yet, I never really put my all into it.
My mom just went back to school and graduated when I was pregnant with Naomi and became a RN. I am so proud of her and she works at the hospital where I delivered Sadie. She has all the books in her room, I have seen them, never cracked them open, I think I would be frigthened. But, I really want to do something for once, I want to be proud of myself, I want to make Sadie proud,I want to make Naomi proud. I want to be able to say I DID IT! So many friends of mine are going back to school and I want to be one of them, so many of them have kids as well, if they can, why can't I?
I have two beautiful girls, I have to do this for.
I just am at a loss of where to go or what to do. I would love to help mommies like I, and be an OB nurse, or I had even seen the ultrasound techs (lord knows I had a LOT of those every few days!) I found it all very interesting. Seeing students come in and be with them, it def caught my eyes. I said to myself once my grandma leaves (she left tonight back to Philly) I will sit down with my parents and discuss things or ideas.
I am scared but yet its a reality and I HAVE to do it. I WANT to do it for once. I am 23, almost 24, in August. Time will NOT stop for me. I know my friends and family will all be there to help me along and support me. They have up and til now, why would they stop now? I want to start planning out my future, our future, Sadie's and mommies future. I see great things ahead!