Thoughts for Thursday or Thursday's Thoughts...

Hmmm..where shall I start?

There are a few things I needed to blog about and I had jotted some markers down. I must hurry, but it feels good to get it off and on here. Weather or not anyone reads or comments, just something about writing, is good therapy! That is for sure!

I guess I will start with my first topic I jotted down. Ever heard of a "mommy makeover"? Well, a little bit of this and a little bit of that, and she is all set. I had been asked few weeks ago if I would watch my nephew for 2 weeks for x amount of money. I thought, hmm, why? Well my sister, is getting the "mommy makeover" aka plastic surgery. I call it that, because that is what the name of her surgery is, my mom told me that today. (picture smoke coming out of my head then). I agreed to it, because I need the money, its a good amount, yet I still think I should and VERY well could be paid more. Whatever. I figure this will be the last time and she will stick him in daycare. I watch him anyways 4 days a week from 8 to 5, (hours changed, she needs more hours AWAY from him) (last time I checked, parenting is 24/7). Well so starting Monday, the 28th, I will have him over for two weeks, due to her not being able to lift, he is 23 lbs. Her husband will take him his off days wed & thurs. He is off tuesday but my sister said if I can take him so "he can have his off day" ha. Wow. So, I will be most likely pulling out my hairs by the end of the day I am sure, but its worth it. I heard my mom on the phone today with her doctor asking some questions. I thought she is just getting a tummy tuck, WRONG. She is geting a breast lift and her arms done as well. I was FLOORED. I was fuming when I heard that. She has all this money to shell out for that, but cant pay me well? Hmm. I am done with it. I am done. When she was younger, she gained a LOT of weight, over 200+ lbs, and well has the band now, and well from the loss there is still skin there. She looks good to me, but I have never seen under neath. Well, do I wish I can nip and tuck in some places too. She always expresses how thankful she is to me for everything I do and says she can never do it, yet I am not shown it. She knows how deep in the whole money wise I am, why not try helping me more? I better yap my trap and be thankful I am getting some cash flow my way.

Earlier today, my mom and I and Sadie went to this school apt I had. I walked in and it looked somewhat familar. I thought why does this look familar. I forgot, I went there for llike 2 weeks for some highschool classes or something but left. Memories. Well, we got in and started talking to the counselor I was going to get my test results. Plans out, that my mom read the wrong schools website about there being a blended program starting AUGUST. This school we were at started in April. Well if I had done what I was supposed to way back in January, I would have been able to start in April. Oh well. I orginially took my test to see what areas I need help in at the schol that will be starting my program in August. Yet my mom thought she saw it at the school we were at on their site. So I will be starting school for medical assisting in August. Wait, did I just type that!?! WOW. I am anxious and excited all at the same time. I am SO very thankful. The online part will be Mondays and Fridays and then tues-thurs 8 am to 3:30 in the classroom. My mom said she will fix her nursing schedule from work so that she can be home those days to watch Sadie for me. I am truely BLESSED. It will be hard to leave her but yet I need to get going on my education so I can make that money and be able to support her and I on my own one day!

We left there and went to drop off Sadie's things that she had outgrown. Her babyswing (tear!) her glider thingy that she eventually slept in for most of the night that I was so happy about! and a big bin of some of her clothing! It is a place called "Respect Life". My mom had told me that is where she took Naomi's things after she died, when she knew I would not want or oculd not see any of it around the house when I were to come home from that horrible horrible day. As we were leaving, I thought of Naomi and just sighed. And I happened to look up watching as my mom backed up and out from behind the house/business comes an orange and red butterfly, flutters up for a minte and flutters away. My mouth dropped. Tell me that wasn't a sign? And I even come home from our errands and I see Naomi's video on the screeen playing on the computer. She is here, she is with me always.

I have had this on my mind for quite some time, I may have written about it, but I don't remember. I know, personally, 4 friends that are all pregnant pretty much around the same week. I went to highschool with all of them. Two of them are going on their second and two of them are going to be first time parents. Well, all goes well, they will. I keep seeing updated "belly shots" and exciteing comments and what not all over facebook. They are all about 12 weeks. One commented how "she is past the dreaded 12 weeks". I just want to scream. Yes, that is a great time to pass, but yet, I know ALL too well, the many problems that can go wrong. AND OF COURSE I DO NOT WANT OR WISH ANYTHING TO GO WRONG. That I must point out strongly. Not even on my worst eneny would I. I just think back to me, my first pregnancy, how naive I was. I remember going to the hospital tour at like 17/19 weeks and being so excited, they all thought how early I was to be there. I remmeber going past the NICU and I didnt even walk up there because I thought "I won't need that". Well....look what happened. Yes, all of them know my story. I am trying to hard to put out preeclampsia, and their website. I was never informed about it and how serious it was. I know that not only can preeclampsia happen, but alot of other things. They are all talking about babys showers and this and that, of course, it should be a happy time. I was robbed. I will never look at pregnancy the same, ever again, Yes my sweet baby girl is here with me, but I just cant. My body failed me, TWICE. Yet, I am so blessed to have Sadie home and safe and sound with me. I just hope and pray they all are able to bring home a baby. I am only trying to look out for them.