Plenty of whaaaa?

From up to about 1.5 weeks ago, I was *always* against dating websites. I just always thought who is going to go and meet someone off line and I always thought of bad things happening. I even know of a few friends, one in paticular, that didn't go very well at all.

A couple days ago, I was speaking to my mom about something, can't remember what, and I brought up dating websites and how another friend of mine is always on them, doesn't end up with the best of guys. I had said also how I will never meet anyone in the house, meaning I stay home alot with baby Sadie and rarely do I ever go out with my friends and stuff, maybe 2x a month if that. But yet, I know , I have to focus on me and my daughter first and working on me with school and getting better, I know all of that is a must before I become interested in dating.

Anyways, I signed up for the heck of it on a dating website, a free one. I just wanted to see what it was like. I had got a good couple messages and lots were not very appropriate especially having said in my profile that I am a mother or two. I will not answer to anyone that says "hey sexy" etc. I just won't. I am not one of those girls that likes that type of attraction or man sort to speak. Some would just write a one worded message "hi". I would delete and not respond to those. I don't go looking for men on there, I let them write me.

Well I hadn't had much luck really and I saw the site was pretty much full of scumbags and I thought forget this and I was just going to delete it. The other day, I had a few messages I skimmed through deleted all but one. I came to this one message it was short, and brief but I liked what he had to say. I took a look at his profile and I saw that he was my age and lived in the surrounding area and I got a few laughs at his profile as well. Not to mention, his looks weren't too bad either ;).

So I wrote him back, and well we ended up messaging about a good 6/7 lengthy messages. He even happened to ask about my daughters. I briefly explained and he did say he was sorry about Naomi which I thought was nice and even asked about Sadie as well. I found out he went to my same highschool but was a year a head of me. So I thought, we must know some mutual friends. He suggested a exchange phone numbers and so I did just that. We had texted for awhile and then the other night we both didn't receive messages. So we both thought we each said someting wrong. It was funny. I ended up calling him because I saw I got a message from him but he wasn't getting any of mine. I never call guys like that. But I took a chance and say hey I gotta let him know I am not getting anything and yada yada.

We spoke for a bit and we just seemed really easy to talk to. The next day (yesterday) we ended up texting ALL day. He texted me at 11am and we stopped texting about 10:45 at night. I had both babies yesterday too and he made my day go by pretty easily by texting with me all day. I did not plan on meeting him or anything so quick, but I had found out he lived within 15 minutes of me. I had told him I was going on my nightly walk/jog with Sadie. On the way back, he suggested maybe we meet up at the park. All throughout my walk I had a nausated stomach. I thought, no I can't meet this guy. Yet he seems so nice and just easy to talk to and even if nothing turns out, Id like him as a friend, friends first anyways! :)

So he had wanted to meet up at 7, even tho that was pushing it sorta for Sadie's bath time and what not, I said okay, and I did seee there were families in the park so I wasn't alone. I took Sadie back out in the stroller and walked off to the park and met up with him. I almsot didn't go, i was a nervous wreck for some reason. But it ended up going very well. He said hello to Sadie but she seemed sorta tired and just staring, she didn't cry tho so that was good! We walked the park about 3 times and chatted just to see how things went, a brief meeting. He is a firefighter/emt, a certified one, just is waiting to get picked up by a city or station.

So I did enjoy it. Just felt weird because it has been quite some time since I ever really spoke with a guy like that or just even a random type person. But knowing after we bcame friends on "facebook" I saw that we had 23 mutual friends, so I thought, I am okay to meet this person, in a public setting with people around. He had invited me out to a fair at a local church. I had wanted to go, but was very nervous. I told him I would let him know about going I had to wait on my mom to come home from work. I felt bad, I didn't want to have her come home and keep an eye o nSadie for a little even though she would be sleeping. My mom didn't end up coming home until 9:30. He had suggested a movie when she came home but I said I was just very tired but that I felt very bad, he said not to worry.

He invited me possibly out on a boating trip tomrorow (Sunday) with his friend and his girlfriend, who I happen to know from middle school, we just never kept as "friends" but are acquatiances I guess you can say! It just worries me that I don't know if I wanna be away from Sadie for a couple hours, and I feel bad asking my mom. Yet I am sure it would be a nice trip out on the ocean, I hadn't been on the ocean in a boat in like forever. Its some fishing trip. I never fished, yet it doesn't appeal to me, I feel like I would make an idiot of myself anyways. Ha. But we shall see if it happens. It was very nice of him to invite me and be interested in doing things.

I also thought about it last night, I won't be able to go out often even if he wants to, I just can't and wouldn't feel right leaving Sadie like that. I am a mommy, a full time mommy at that, and soon enough in August I will be startnig school. I just don't know how to do the dating thing with a baby. But who knows, maybe we can stay friends, friends I would like first anyways, get to know each other and what not and then see where it goes. If its meant to be, it will happen I guess? I am just scared, the whole dating thing I never really did, and I deserve to be treated well, unlike my first ever "real" relationship, which that really wasn't.

We shall see! :)