I am sitting here tonight, playing videos on youtube of songs, that remind me of Naomi. I've been down lately. I can't quite put my finger on it why exactly, but I am.
"Beautiful" by Akon. When I was pregnant with Naomi, this song was out then. I LOVED it. Now, well, its hard for me to listen to it. When I would be driving in the car, I would blare it, and dance in the car while driving and SO WOULD SHE. She did so much moving and gymnastics in there I swear. This song I just automatically think of her when I hear it, even tho the lyrics are SO not related really. But my sweet Naomi is SURELY beautiful, no doubt about that.
I miss her. In about 2.5 months, my baby girl would be TWO years old. Wow. Two years ago almost I gave birth unknowingly that I would lose her 5 weeks later to infection in the NICU. When I was in the NICU I was told of all the positive outcomes and stories. Of course! Noone will tell you the negative ones. I remember a nurse of Naomi's had seen me downstairs (I was ALWAYS there 10-12 hrs a day EVERY SINGLE DAY) and she introduced me to a couple that had twins, they were on some monitors, but they were very much there and so cute. She told me briefly about their story and here they made it and were visiting the NICU to show off their babies being older and doing well.
I was always asked when I would go in the cafe to get some lunch of breakfast, how Naomi is. I would always wear my "proud mom" pin. I just walked that hospital so proud of my baby girl.
Last year, my best friend baked and made the most beautiful birthday cupcakes for her. I knew there was no question about it that I was going to have her make them for Naomi's 1st Birthday. But now, since I am alot more experienced with baking and in the kitchen, I think I am going to give it a try and make either a cake or birthday cupcakes for her. I think I will also release balloons, light a candle, and donate to the preeclampsia foundation on her birthday.
I miss her. I just wish I can hold her or see her pretty little face ONE more time. I know she is watching over her little sister, I have NO doubt in my mind that if she continued to live on, she would look alot like Sadie. <3
**on a side note. Today, I have been told that we have $720 raised so far for our March of Dimes team in memmory of Naomi and Benji!!!! I couldn't be happier. We have our goal at $1000. When she first told me the goal, I thought oh boy, but its not even a month in and look at all the $ that was raised! I am so happy that so many have reached out and are helping, this is for a great cause that I never thought I would be apart of. We have a little less than 2 months to go, and I KNOW we can and will make our goal. Thank you from the bottom of my heart! Our babies are greatly loved & so are the many babies are were born early. Bless all our sweet babies!