Saturday, February 26, 2011
I come after the number 1 and come before the number 3. I am the number 2.
I was at the bank this afternoon putting in a check so I can go purchase my white noise machine for baby Sadie. We were waiting outside to go into the little room and there was this maybe 20 some guy out there as well as another woman. He happened to ask how old Sadie was. I said shes 5 months. He said, "Have a two year old, its fun". I was about to say back "and a lot of work too." But I didn't.
I then kept repeating over and over in my head, I should have an almost 2 year old. My Naomi will be two in two months exactly (the 27th is about 30 minutes away). I kept looking in the clouds, as if something would appear. Nothing.
I went on with my day and I came home and was undressing Sadie for a bath. I then looked over at Naomi's memorial that is across from her changing table. (Sadie can turn her head to where she can see it). I then told her like I always do, that is your big sister Naomi. She is watching over you, and I can't wait to tell you all about her. I said this all to Sadie this time, with tears just pouring from my eyes. I kept looking at her pictures and just was so heartbroken all over again.
I then took Sadie with me to throw away a diaper in the kitchen. Then I see Naomi's vidoes and pictures playing on the computer. (OUr slideshow is of ALL of the computer pictures and videos, very random all the time). And here it happened to be hers after I was just thinking about her and kissed my necklace. That made me cry even harder, I felt back in my strong grief all over again. My dog was even looking at me and was ready to jump on me. (He used to jump on me and lick my face all the time when iwas home alone just bawling and screaming my eyes out for Naomi days, weeks and months after her passing.)
I hugged Sadie and put her into the bath tub and tried to continue on and not be hyssterical while giving her a bath.
I simply miss Naomi. I would have an almost 2 year old.